HONG KONG? Not my kind of place.

To start off, Hong Kong wasn’t even in my to go list for travel. I was just going because its always nice to go somewhere with friends. Apparently, that was a very very WRONG choice.

It must be my personality that I rather travel to places closer to nature than to another metro city so I always see myself going to Thailand, Malaysia and other parts of SEA. Yeah… anywhere outside Asia is too off budget. The reason I agreed to Hong Kong was that I am going with friends, first time and might just be the last unless I find someone who really really really click with me or I doubt I will enjoy my trip.

Firstly, Hong Kong is highly populated, as a tourist, I feel more stressful in Hong Kong that Singapore. Buildings are tall, rooms are extremely small, way of living is fast. I don’t think I am that much of a slow walker, but still, I get ‘excuse me’ ALOT. I feel pressured there, like a concrete jungle, I really don’t want to describe how badly I feel about Hong Kong or I will deter people from going there.

Well… if you are fine with touring a metro city very much similar to Singapore, there is still no harm going there. I do enjoyed a day or two out of the 8 days there…

There are nice places such as Nongping 360. That’s where the big Buddha is, and its shown in the Hong Kong Special of Running Man. LOL. Anyways, you can either hike up the mountain which I think will take you the entire day or take a 30min cable car ride. We bought the tickets in advance at our hostel. It’s a few dollars cheaper (about SGD 20) and you save alot of time queuing for the tickets especially when its the peak of the tourist days or weekends. In my opinion, there is nothing much up there unless you are a Buddhist. But if you are thinking of a nice trek of some sort, there are actually quite a number of nature trails up there. If I go for a 4D3N trip to Hongkong, I might want to try trekking up the mountain and cable car down. Don’t think I would have the energy to climb down after that that.

The super well-known Avenue of Stars was totally a let down. I don’t know what I was doing there the whole night. The night skyline is pretty similar to that of Singapore Marina Bay. I think ours is nicer :P

Macau is boring. We went there to explore the casinos though. My first time into the casinos. Seriously… the whole place smell of smoke –_- really bad experience :(( But if one day you happen to drop by Macau… just some tips. There is this shop that sells the Macau goodies like peanut candies, almond cookies and stuff like that. Tour groups always go there to buy the goodies. I suggest you just go in for a round of food tasting and then continue touring Macau. There are like much more cheaper Macau goodies that are nicer than the well-known brand. If you still prefer the well-known brand, its EVERYWHERE in Macau and they even have branch in Hong Kong. So, my advice… don’t buy first. I felt really cheated buying abt SGD50 worth of almond cookies back.

For big appetite eaters, the buffet that we had at Grand Lisbola Hotel (The one that is GOLD plated and look very much like a standing trophy) is awesome!! It’s about the price of a high class buffet in Singapore, abt SGD 60 per pax. The butter scallops are awesome! Beef steak! Yummy! Free flow servings of expensive food like Sashimi, Oysters, Scallops, Abalones and stuff like that. If you are a big eater, its super worth your money and always leave some room for their wide range of desserts!

Ok. My food photog skills is not vry good. :/ oh… and if you want to have dinner there, go make reservation if you are able to call them, or make reservations the first thing when you reach Macau.

Macau, not a place that I will visit again. BORING >.< Just some tip: you can use HKD in Macau but not Macau money in Hong Kong. Just make sure you spend your money wisely :) and ship tickets are about SGD50 if it’s your birthday month and each passport can buy 2 tickets.

Disneyland was my most AWESOME day in that whole god damn Hong Kong trip. It’s really a relive of childhood. I love my every minute in Disneyland! Its way way way much better and bigger than USS and although the rides are crappy, it’s DISNEYLAND!!! It’s for kids :)) The shows are superb! It’s really DISNEYLAND, a place where happiness is. But I spend like SGD 200 over there. Things are crazily expensive. Entrance tickets cost abt SGD 60 (I think) but still worth. Jincha Daebak!

Disneyland is my another must go place if I ever return to Hong Kong. This time, I will buy a 2-day pass which is like abt SGD 17 top up. No need to rush, can take your time. I have deduced with yanting that going Disneyland between Tues to Thurs is the best. Why? Cause weekends are like the super peak where there are like alot of tourist. Mon and Friday are pretty pack cause Hongkong trips are usually 4D3N so most likely spanning between Fri to Mon (like that only need to take 2 day leave :P) so at any of the days, the tour group will sure go Disneyland. So, Tues to Thurs is the best time to go especially off peak seasons.

Victoria Peak was so-so only. Took the tram up which is pretty scary after our electrical engine genius talked about one wire bringing the entire tram up to the peak which is moving about 45 degrees uphill and as the side of the hill. Victoria peak will be the Wax Museum and the Peak.

The wax museum is just like that. I don’t recognise about half of the people there. But there’s LKY though. Hahaa. We bought the package from our hostel (tram, was museum and peak tickets) which is abt SGD33. So I think its still reasonable. There is a horror trail (which you have to pay additional SGD1 to go in) which is totally boliao. Don’t go, even though it’s just 1 buck. Not scary at all… I did have a unique encounter at the museum too.

If you recognise this guy… I don’t really know who he is… but he is the leader of X-Japan. We saw his Saseang fan there. She stood there for like 1hr with like bags of stuff toys taking picture with this wax figure, adjusting his hair, taking every single feature of this guy. I wonder what’s gonna happen if this guy flesh and blood stands right in front of her… GOD.

The peak is just some place for you to see the sky line for Hong Kong again. Nothing much. But cause it’s winter when we went… so it’s ultra cold up there… BRRRR~

This pretty much wraps up my trip on attraction :))

The food is super nice there! a million times better than Singapore. We keep walking into random shops in Hong Kong and the food is still good. Light eaters have to beware that their breakfast is ALOT. The set usually comes with toast, a drink and noodles/porridge. So can share. And don’t be too surprise if you are eating on the same table with a stranger. For people who have been to Hong Kong, they always come back recommending this one star Michelin Tim Sum Restuarant (Tim Ho Wan). We queued for 1.5hr to get seated only to find the reason why the wait for so long is because the shop is god damn small.

Another reminder of why I don’t like Hong Kong… we need to eat fast too… and I feel indigested after every meal  :(( The dim sum was so quickly served that I had to stack the “longs” over each other instead to spreading them out to eat. Cause it’s really NO SPACE. Anyways… The dim sum is really nice!! Except for their chee chong fun which I order some weird fillings one which taste even weirder. The Char Siew Su is REALLLYYYY GOOOOODDDD!! That three buns in the picture. It’s a must have!

Hong Kong has a local fast food restaurant called Da Jia Le. It serves decent Hong Kong food, fast and at reasonable price. No harm trying if you can’t find places to eat. HAH.

Hong Kong’s tourism slogan is “买东西吃东西”not wrong at all. We did shopping around Mong Kok area which is the Ladies Market. It’s like KL’s Chinatown and the things they sell are repetitive. Prices can be bargained till half of the initial price. The best is if you can speak canto. Try not to speak English and Chinese at the same time there or you will hear the question “You are from Singapore or Malaysia” and if you happen to be asked that question say Malaysia or you will be cheated. Tips: You cannot try the clothes there so have to be careful cause they might cheat you like what they did to me :((

That more of less wraps up my Hong Kong trip. I will say again, not my kind of place but if I go back again, its gonna be a short trip for food, shopping and Disneyland. Anyone who shares the same sentiments? We might be compatible travel buddies :))

I love to travel, but I have yet to find someone I am close and comfortable with to travel with. Travelling with family is nice cause my dad always brings us for snorkelling in Thailand… but being with friends is way much better isn’t it?

My next destination: China, Vietnam and Bangkok!

My to go list: Thailand (Other than BKK), Malaysia and Indo (more nature places), Korea, Russia, Maldives, Switzerland, Some country in the continent of Africa (yes. I still remember someone who said Africa is a continent, not a country! Just I don’t remember who) and the list goes on….

Forever Alone

Well…. I don’t really know what to expect our of my love life. It seems as though I could only love but not be love.

I got to admit that I have been liking a guy since the day I step into uni and knew him. I don’t think I could differentiate my feeling between loving a guy and liking a guy not until I met him. I liked some guy in my secondary school once which I thought was love (as in 暗恋) but i suppose he is just an eye candy after all. He was forgotten and archived into memory the moment we graduated.

What surprises me was that I could continually like someone for 2 year and still on going. Like some typical channel 8 drama, I like him, but his eyes has only one woman. He loves her so much that he is able to forgive what wrong she has done. What hurts the most was when I liked him and he defended for the party who was in the wrong. Back then when he approached me about that issue, I almost wanted to cry because for some reason, it hurts a lot. To see the guy you love coming to reason with you about his girlfriend who did something wrong to you. I always thought he was just an eye candy until that incident happened. An eye candy will not hurt you this much, but the guy you love will.

Since then, I erected a barrier around him. I don’t want to quarrel with him in an event of him being blinded by love to even differentiate what’s right or wrong. I look from afar and secretly hope those two breaks up. Just an evil thought though. He is too forgiving to initiate a breakup and the girl is so lucky that sometimes I think she doesn’t even cherish him enough. As a drifted away from them, sometimes I still do wonder if he has a positive impression of me. Who knows?

Sometimes I really wonder how guys look at me. I wondered many times through my life why guys send girls back home but not me? Ain’t I a girl? Why guys care for girls as a form of gentlemeness but not me? Do they see me as their brother? I don’t form unique bonds with guys, so they won’t see me as their brother. So, if I am neither a brother or a girl to them, what on earth am I in their eyes?

I have no idea how long more I will like that guy but I know one thing. We will never be together. It will be total awkwardness. I am quiet. I need guy who knows how to fill in the awkward spaces. I want a guy who could bring me the warmth and happiness and desire so much for. I want a guy who has a unique sense of humour that I can understand. I want a guy who cares for me and others around him. I want a guy who knows what right and wrong and not sugar coat and sweet talk his way through. Basically, I want a guy like Onew. He is too perfect to be alive. Which ever guy that comes to me with at least half of what Onew has, I think I might accept him.

I don’t understand why can I love Onew (in a idolixing way) so much that it hurts sometime. Like I said before, he is too precious. So precious that I want him to be mine. He is the guy that the more I see, I more reasons I find in liking him. This is no longer an obession. It’s much more, it has become something I look for in guys.

That’s why I say… I don’t know what to expect out of a love relationship. Because I forsee myself to be FOREVER ALONE.

Its very uncharacteristic of me to write a post like this and so this will be the first and the last time.

A family

I wonder how I will become when I graduate and enter the working society. I couldn’t see myself after graduation, where I will be working at? How will work be like? Will I care about others other than myself?

Many times I worry that I will no grow to be a filial child. I have a complete family yet I have no bond with my family members. Sometimes, I even wonder how well do they know me. I can foresee myself moving out to stay alone once I am financially independent to own a flat. I barely talk to my dad, maybe less than 10 sentences per week? and our conversation usually revolves around “do you want to eat BBQ tmr?” and “how do I spell this word”. Talking to my dad is like talking to some random guy from the street. He don’t care about me, I don’t care about him. Our relationship, is just I have his genes and I am living under one roof with him. I owe him heaps of money. That’s all. Sometimes, I actually harbour thoughts that I will not feed him when I grow old. Just like how he dosen’t care about his family, I will not care about him. I consider myself pretty close to my mum. I want to be filial to her. But every time I have a problem, I don’t know how to tell her, I don’t even feel comfortable approaching my mum with regards to anything.

A family should be a harbour. Somewhere you can go to when you feel down, you need help and stuff like that. But I couldn’t see anyone that I could approach and talk to about how I feel. There seems to be an invisible barrier between all my family members. I hate how my brother always shout at my mum and don’t understand how she really cares for him. I hate my dad for being so indifferent in my family matters like he is outsider and always goes running a marathon. I hate myself for not being able to be there and comfort my mum, share her burden and worries. I hate myself for not being able to show and express how much I care for the only member I really want to care for in the family. I hate myself for being dependent on the most vulnerable person in my family. I hate myself for not being able to give any form of support to my mum.

How… what am I suppose to do. My family is broken psychologically, I don’t want to grow to be an unfilial kid. I know how much my parents have been through to grow me. Yet, I don’t feel like returning such efforts back to them especially my dad.

Sometimes, I just wish that I could disappear… 

Stargazing @ SEMAKAU. Maybe not.

Got kind of excited and disappointed with my trip and I shall blog it. Tired but I slept from 3 to 6pm and down-ed a cup of coffee. So I suppose I would be up till 3,4 am today? Mass research and catch-up to do. Have really been slacking like no one’s business since the semester started. I shall not be the 老鼠屎 and drag everyone down and I made myself a promise to start getting serious with school after by trip this weekend. :)

Back after a one night trip to Semakau Island :) It’s a beautiful island off the coast of Singapore. I thought a lot of people have went on the island before but apparently, everyone in our group hasn’t been there except me. What a waste! But at least now they have been! I didn’t very much took any photos cause it was getting dark and Singapore was kind of hazy. Then again I can kop some that I took a few years back when I went from my Facebook.

 

Nice quiet and serene island. Lovely! Some place really rare in Singapore. This trip to Semakau was in a way a wasted trip cause we are supposed to star gaze and end up seeking shelter in the admin building from the thunderstorm last night!

A nice try from YEC to promote GREEN (3Rs), we organized an overnight trip (less than 24hrs) to Pulau Semakau, a landfill where all your rubbish (burnt to ashes as well as those un-incinerable) goes to. We are YOUTHS and it would be so damn boring to just go for the island tour. So we decided to add in a little extra, STAR GAZING! I suggested it, thank me :P  Initially we wanted to add in inter-tidal walk too, but this month is the high-tide month, so no inter-tidal walks available. In collaboration with TASOS, we went for stargazing. The trip is not cheap at all but if we can see all the September sky constellation, I am actually willing to pay more. Our universe is a wonderful thing and TASOS is really devoted and knowledgeable in astronomy that its fascinating just to see pictures that they took and their detailed explanation about the universe. It would of course be better if they charge us a lower price. :P 

Back to the trip, a short briefing was given to us to show us what to look out for in the sky. So… these are what we are SUPPOSED to see in the September Sky.

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September sky is said to the the sky for the water signs. Namely the Aquarius and Capricorn. The top right of the Capricorn sign, you see the 3 dots there? The biggest one is one of the star clusters (M30)

The Aquarius sign has a star cluster too… but I don’t remember the number. SAD. Other than stars, we can also see planets. When the sun sets, facing south, we can see planet SATURN and MARS. At midnight, about 1am, the Eastern sky will find you Jupiter and Venus.

These are all we are suppose to be able to see if the weather is good. AWESOME right! I was so damn excited and then it turned out that it was a cloudy and rainy night. I managed to catch a glimpse of Jupiter and the moon craters in the morning about 7am just right beside the moon. And I was so emo when no one informed me that they set up the telescope at 4am in the morning and could see Sirius, Orion, Jupiter, Venus and even the international space station! and I was in the admin building NUA-ing trying to go back to sleep cause its so damn cold.

Anyways, its really a nice trip and it would be more awesome if there was no rain. I wouldn’t mind organising another one there again! This time I will pray to the deities in the sky not to rain. Hmm…. when’s the dry season in Singapore??

Now that I have starting blogging again, I find that I kinda like it :) AWESOMENESS!

Obsession with a bunny

I need to clarify in the beginning that I am not a saseang (crazy) fan of dubu bunny, but I do admit that I am obsessed with him. If you feel really uncomfortable, DON’T CONTINUE READING! and you have been warned, this might be a fairly long post.

Firstly, if you follow me on twitter, I tweet about ‘dubu bunny’ pretty often. But sometimes I choose a variety of name for him. Tweets along the line of ‘my sunshine’ ‘you’ ‘ontokki’ ‘my precious little thing’ and when I tweet as though I am in love or have some 花痴 times, that also him. I know I pulled some of my followers away from their studying concentration by mass tweeting about dubu bunny during the reading week which cause some to actually googled what on earth is dubu bunny, a bunny that is that cute? Dear friends, I am damn touched that you guys took my tweets so seriously and I don’t mean to mislead you guys to think that its a really bunny.

Anyways, this dubu bunny is definitely not a bunny (though he does look like a super cute one) but a hallyu (k-pop) star. He is the leader of a boy(male)band known as SHINee. If you don’t know SHINee, it’s fine, I don’t care. But if you wanna know who’s SHINee, google. It mighr help you understand my post a little more… maybe? So, a slight intro…

Stagename: Onew/温流

Name: Lee Jinki

Nickname: Dubu, bunny, ontokki

My personal weakness for him: Onew Condition, Naturally cute and his sunshinee smile.

That’s all you need to know about him and that’s all I will talk about anyways. If you wanna know more, go wiki/google.

 

 

 

 

 

The picture is not my favourite picture of his recent photos, but because I am using livewriter instead of blogger post, I find it more convenient to steal pictures from google than to upload the picture I kop-ed from fansites to a hosting web and here again. Anyways, this is his promo shot in his most recent album and I have to thank god that he was very well covered as compared to his other members saseang fans could make a porn video out of. Google ‘SHINee Sherlock’ to see others promo photos. But do be warned on some obscene pictures though.

Onew or rather SHINee give people the feel and image of FLOWER BOYS or what people say guys that looks like women. Yes, I agree that he does look like a girl with his fair skin, fine features and stuff like that, but he can’t pass off as a girl. I saw him cross-dressed and almost puked. I am happy for that too (at least his isn’t like one of his poor team member who looks really like one when he cross-dress).

When SHINee debuted, they went for the noona (sister/auntie) market and it was pretty successful. Wanna make a quick guess how old he is? 98liner, which makes him 23 this year. He don’t look 23 at all. #Foreveryoung. I am no noona of his, but still I fell for him. Like every other fan, you usually fall for the group before starting to have a bias. I started out liking the group SHINee cause i chance upon a show ‘HELLO BABY’ (can find in youtube) and had a bias toward him after mass spamming of youtube vid and thanks to the Sherlock Cycle promotion.

Onew is your typical korean guy look. I think there was no plastic surgery done on him (hopefully) and is your typical korean guy. Small single-eye lid and very respectful (according to what I saw on youtube though)

This guy has the brightest and most comforting smile I have ever seen. Even when he is just smiling for the sake of smiling and not really happy, I find it comforting. If you find a fake smile bright and comforting, what will a real smile do to you? His smiles make me endured my boring internship and some random emo days.

Onew has a special condition known as Onew Condition. I don’t have a real definition to this, but I do have a personal view on what I consider as Onew Condition. In my own terms, Onew Condition is a kind of random actions done at the most unexpected situations and the ability to be very…. human. His randomness reminds me of Huimin who used to say random stuff (she still do, but not that often, maybe cause I don’t see her often too) and sort of leave her friends at the loss of words. Maybe people like them think very quickly which make the others find it hard to catch what they are saying until the lag time (freeze period) is over. Onew has quick reflexes when it comes to thinking, which makes him survive very well on variety shows that makes even the EMCEEs of the show threatened.

He is a Hallyu Star, stars which gives the image of being wonderful and perfect (illusions that makes people want to become stars and move to fame to). Because Onew is not perfect which make him suffer from Onew Condition. He falls even when walking, and bang his head on the door when entering a room, dash right into the high jump pole cause he didn’t notice it and fall of the stairs when coming down. Things like this are not expected of stars, they don’t commit this kind of stupid jokes and so, it make onew very… human, if I use the analogy correctly.

Because of his condition, he is naturally cute. I don’t need him to act cute (ageyo) to find him cute. To be honest, I don’t like it when he act cute the SHINee way (like putting your two hands to you chin and shrug your shoulder, the buing buing thingy that they always do), it suits the other members but not onew. He is cute just standing there with his randomness and some times his condition. I don’t mean to laugh at him when he falls or stuff like that, but sometime he really falls in the most stupid way, banging head against the door is one and I can’t help but burst out laughing thinking why is this guy so cute?

He is precious. Even though I am no noona of his, I feel protective of him. A leader that looks like a maknae (youngest). He looks vulnerable and innocent but I know clearly that he is now where near the two words. He only appears to be which makes alot of fans for him. Sometimes I feel so protective that I would like to shelter him from the harsh reality of the world, let him live in his own fantasy and keep dreaming.

Why is he dubu bunny? Dubu means toufu in korea, cause he is soft, fair-skin and loves to cover the blanket over his head when sleeping (which somehow I picked up this bad habit again after kicking it) making him like a block of toufu. Bunny is bunny and in korea, people call him ontokki which is Onew+tokki(bunny).  He is a bunny cause of his two front teeth which is slightly protruding and sometimes he hops around and likes to do the ‘act’ sound (you know the sound that you make when you bite your upper and lower teeth together) which made me pick up this bad habit too. Apparently, someone you are obsessed with does affects you alot.

His voice. I am no musician but I got to say his voice is awesome! For ballads. Though far from JJ Lin in terms of his vocals, Onew still has a deep and rich voice, put in some emotions and you get a nice ballad. I especially like it when he sings the songs in English cause at least I know what he is singing. He voice is not my weakness for him for i can live without him singing but still commendable. His vocal range is wide, he sings rock song pretty well too but I got to say his opera sucks but considered good for taking only a few lessons before the performance. It’s all great and nice until he started screaming into the mic when he pull the tone up to the sky at the end.

He is damn talented. He is too random not to be talented. He has a flair for musicals,  variety shows and random talents like spinning a table, imitating donald duck and somehow he always does things well. But its a pity that he is not favoured by his company, miserable. The company does not give him enough chances to explore his talents and interest. I don’t know what is the company doing, he is a live money tree standing infront of you. Multi talented and can cross into any field you what him to. He is not that bad in sports even though he has onew condition, he is not bad in acting though there are great room for improvement, his musical has garnered GREAT reviews and I don’t believe that no other musical producers approached his company for onew to be in their musical, his forever turning mind will make him a great mc. Such multi-talented artiste and you guys still don’t want to exploit? Don’t ever wait till the day comes when the contract have to be renewed and you realised that you will lose him or one day when SHINee is no longer international.

Well, long enough. I know obsession is temporary, but I am still happy and lucky to have know such a guy. He might be totally different from what i portrayed of him from the articles that I have read and the vids I watched but I still want to believe that he is the one that I loved and the image that he gives me is what I am looking for in a boyfriend.

Humorous, caring (small details), filial, a kind of awesomeness classified under Onew Condition.

This is the kind of guy I am looking for, precious, making me want to cherish every moment with him. At this rate, I might end up not have any partner, cause in my eyes, he is perfect and no one is perfect in this world.

Updating….

Well… I know I said something like I will post soon after my previous post, but I kind of lost touch with blogging when I got friendly with twitter. *guilty*. Anyways, I am back! I expect myself to post more often though and I won’t expel the probability of making this blog a private one when I get too emotional for people to read my emo postings.

YEAH. I am pretty down these days. Maybe cause I lost my reason to be happy, to lead a happy life. I haven’t seen a true success in my life, I have never developed my leadership through these years even though I held supposedly “leadership” positions. That’s what saddens me the most, being in power yet powerless.

Being in nuSTUDIOS EXCO was a choice I made to be more committed and gain experiences in running events. Our recent welcome tea was a TOTAL FAILURE and I can’t help but blame myself for it. I was so unprepared for the welcome tea, everything was done last min and in total chaos. At that moment, I felt really useless and failed only to have recruited a few members, much less than last year. There were so many if onlys running through my mind then… and now, I felt looked down on even though I know none of my committee members are feeling this way. Somehow, its always the problem with me rather than with others. I am the one who is taking away my own happiness.

Being in JSYEC was a choice I made because I wanted to volunteer and contribute to the community and at the same time, benefit from such a big organization in terms of networking, experience with organising big events and collaborating with people from all walks of life. I admitted that I was sort of conned into YEC, but I stayed and felt the responsibility to commit to the welfare of the youths around us. However, being with YEC for almost 1.5 term and I am still floating around, not knowing anyone, not socialising and stuff. Stargazing came down to me and I gladly took it up and yet I failed in even liaising. And again, there were so many if onlys. I had ideas, but I never dared to propose. I had opinions, but I never dared to voice out. All I did was wait for people to approach me for collaborations and co-organizing and when too many came, I find it hard to say no even though I have no interest in the event itself. I can’t feel what YEC members think of me. But I think they don’t think very highly of me. I intended to leave after this term cause I lost the reason to stay. I can’t contribute to bring the committee forward, I can no longer find my passion in community service when I have so many of my own bubbles to burst, so what’s the point of staying when there are others who can do better than you?

YET, this man came today and ignite a little of my fire back again. Youth Mentor. An initiative by Desmond to reach out to youths. It sounds really helpful and I could see where he is going. Then again, I didn’t dare to approach him after he pitched his proposal, everyone wasn’t touched by him and to me, he is a scary man. I am afraid that if my fire on this initiative extinguish, I can’t climb out of his devil clutches just like how I fell into the reading interest group thing. There was passion initially when he proposed to huimin and I his view in kukup, then as time goes by, I find it hard to ignite the fire again. If you believe in horoscopes, I am a Sagittarius, which means, I never stay to one thing for a very long time and I never like to be deeply involved.

Yes. I am afraid of commitments.

School is mundane as usual and I am still sticking to my bubble self-centred view of ‘I don’t need friends, I only need _______’ for school, is I only need company. So, it’s still the touch an go, hi-bye scenario everyday. Nothing much to talk about. Just an internship that change my view about my course. I thought I chose the right way into PFM, apparently, I was too naive. I thought I had a clear goal when I graduate from PFM, I want to be a PM. I want to manage large scale projects like IRs, Sentosa and some prestigious building. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but starting as a site supervisor is very low paid for a hons holder. I hated QS work and after my internship, I managed to hate it even more (so why am I taking measurement again??). What about FM work? I kind of like it, just walking around condos and shopping centres looking and predicting maintainence and errors. But as I look for employment opportunities in these field, all they required was a diploma. So, whats the point of me studying to HOns? Which makes me disagree more with the damn direct hons program. If there’s a choice, I will never bring myself to complete hons because the industry I work in requires more experience that it requires papers. This made me kind of think, WHY AM I DOING IN PFM? If I had interest in the construction industry, I would have just went to poly after O levels and graduate with diploma and stop there. Right?

And then I started thinking about the past, when my goal was to be a physiotherapist. How I shun away from going to poly after A levels, how I just let it ‘poof!’ and removed from my life when I dreamt to be a physiotherapist even in my sec sch days.

Sometimes, I really want to turn back time, back to when the sperm meets the ovum, I hope I wasn’t the champion, I hope I was never born. Someone who would not be remembered even after their death, whats the point of living then? Turn back to when I took my O-levels results, where I should not have moved on to JC. Turn back to when I took my A-levels results, no matter how shit it is, I should have went to NYP. But we can’t turn back time. I am born, I went to JC and I went to PFM and my future is BLEAK.

End of my update, I didn’t want it to be this depressing initially, but it turn out blue.

Reviving

Realising how bored I got during my internship and reading a uper-duper cute blog that my new colleague introduced me to, I decided….

IT’S TIME TO PICK UP BLOGGING AGAIN!!

Of course, landing myself into the marketing and publicity cell of two ‘organizations’ (so to say) has something to do with it too :/ Well, with no talents in design, no creativity, I wonder why on earth did I vote myself into marketing and publicity. Anyways… *Shrugs*

However, after so long of writing within 160 characters, I sort of forgot how to blog. Give me a few days, I will come out with a post. For today, let me see…

INTRODUCING….

MIAO WAFU&PAFU!

www.akiraceo.com

I got to say I got addicted to this blog. Visit it if you got too bored in the office. HOHOHO. Now that blogger is no longer a in thing, I wonder if anyone is reading my blog. LOL. Don’t care.

Just a side note, I am a pessimist in nature so I tend to complain more than blog about happy things. If you get affected my negative energy easily, It wouldn’t be a good idea to read my post. But I will give warning if a verbal diarrhoea is coming its way :)

十年

 

I thought I wouldn’t be blogging anymore, but today I finish reading a book that really makes me feel like writing a post.

“Poetry of the day after”

I love to read occasionally :) And for Chinese books, my favourites are those written in traditional Chinese, read vertically instead of horizontally and of course romance :) After watching You are the apple of my Eye by Giddens, I seem to have a proper author that I can read from. Giddens is not a romance writer but an all rounded writer. Even though I have only read 3 of his books, I find 2 really nice. The first was 等一个人，咖啡. Sweet sweet love. Period. It made me feel like working in some cafe and wait for a my ‘prince charming’ to come.

The picture was the 3rd book I read from Giddens. I am not sure what genre is it actually.后青春期的诗. Mayday fans should know they have an album named after this book. Or was it the other way round? No idea. Anyways, like Mayday’s song, this book talks about life…

In the book, the author was 30 year old and remembered 12 years ago, he and a group of friends buried a bottle at the backyard of their school. Each member wrote 3 wishes and made a pact to return 10 years later. It was then forgotten by all until one day all came back together for a wedding of their friend. The group then went to dig out the bottle and read out their 3 wishes and see who fulfilled them. Out of the 5, only one realized his dream.  The other changed and some changed so much that there wasn’t even a tinge of their dreams 12 years ago to be seen. A basketball player who dreamt to be in NBA ended up being a blue collar worker. A man who dreamt to own a luxurious car ended up driving a toyota that almost died driving 5 adults. The group then agreed to help each other realised their dreams and find their 18 years old back and went on a journey back into the crazy days of their past.

I wonder what was my dream 10 years ago. When I was 10, what was I thinking back then? What were my ambitions? I don’t remember dreaming to become a teacher, doctor, lawyer or anything along that line. It was just an excuse when our teachers told us to write our ambition. The truth was, no. I had no ambition. I bet nothing of this sort went through my mind when I was only primary 4.

BUT NOW. I am 21. With half my body out in the horrible reality of society and another half struggling to get a cert that is so that important for a bowl of rice and life. I have of course matured as compared to10 years ago, I have dreams and goals as compared to 10 years ago. Burying a time capsule in Singapore for 10 years is not feasible at all and it will sure be gone after 10 years or maybe lying somewhere below a HDB block. So now, I would like to write a letter to myself 10 years later.

10 years later when I am 30, how much have I achieved. How close am I to my goals and dreams? Have I shrink my dreams to fit it into reality like one of the characters in the story? or have I forgotten what I wanted when I was 20 years old? Or will I realize what I wished for?

Friends, shall we do this together? Write a letter to your future self. And when that day comes, do a reality check. How much have you changed?

我们。。。 真的会被世界完美地驯养吗？

加油!

Exam period is coming. Too all who reads my blog (whom I suppose are just that few souls)

加油！

And I suppose that few souls who reads my blog are coping better than me. I think. HAH.

I have a lot to say, yet I don’t know where to start.

For the past few days, I had mixed emotions. I have thought about remodelling my life, thought about how escape from my current slumber, thought about the wrong decisions made from the past that led me to where I am now, thought about what will I do if time rewinds and even that… maybe I really haven’t walk out of my cloudy days. It sucks to think about ending life. It sucks to suspect that you are suffering from depression. And it sucks even more to think if you should visit a psychiatrist. But I am afraid that one day these thoughts might just overrule whatever sense I have left in mind. Yet, I think I have reached the tip. Every small trigger, sends a suicide message in my mind. I am really afraid of myself now…

Maybe I should stop to find my way again. Where I really want to go.

CM told me on our meeting the other day that you should never worry about being in a lousy course (which I am in) because it doesn’t mean a bleak future nor does it mean a low salary. He brought in the example of pharmacy (any souls in pharmacy who sees this, I am sorry).

He told me… “look, pharmacy is such a hard course to get in. You have to obtain at least 3As in your A-levels to even get consideration into the course. And when you graduate, what happens? You either work in a pharmacy (Watsons, Guardian, Unity) or in the lab. The average salary? about 2,500 and the increment is pathetic.” I thought, true. YT told me about that before. What he is trying to say here is that even if you get into a supposingly ‘good’ course, it does not mean you will have high salary pay in the future.

I might have painted my course a little too perfectly, but our pay can go up to 10,000 a month if you are an experienced PM. But being a junior PM is really tough. 苦盡甘來吧.

XS once told me never to suspect your decision today because you don’t know what happens tomorrow. In the future, you will not look back to today and say hey, I made the right choice, that’s why I am who I am now. When you made that decision, you never know if it’s right or wrong until the fateful day comes. 賭博吧.

I might have made very wrong turn 4 years back. But I should never look back and said I shouldn’t have made that choice. 現在就是賭輸了. 可能會有東山再起的一天吧.

I think…. I need to find a new life goal and I hope I do soon.

Mountains

Piles and Piles of work. Piles and Piles of assignments. I can’t seem to see the end of it.

I kind of lost count of the work I have to do. I just hope with all my might that I don’t miss any submission dates.

What a heavy Semester for me. *huff*

 

Can’t wait for a getaway to Taiwan. Yet, nothing planned.

An unplanned trip will face all kinds of weird obstacles. Just hope we don’t end up sleeping on the streets.

I am too busy to plan.

No one else wants to plan.

 

Can’t wait for a getaway to Thailand/Vietnam. Yet, nothing planned.

Wonder if in the end, nothing happen.

All talk, no action.

Khun can stop flying us aeroplane.

 

加油！做你自己的英雄.

Isn’t the picture cute? :)

Rainy days.

If everyone can walk out, why can’t I

Why can’t I forget the past and embrace the future

Why can’t I forget that particular you and move on

Why do I shun

Why do I hide

Why am I so addicted to Unhappiness

Why can’t I move on

Why oh why can’t I?

And so, School started….

I haven’t been posting since I started school. So maybe a mini update? I will keep it short. PROMISE.

READER’S WARNING! Complaining starting soon…

So, this is what happened when school started…

I took 3 CORE mods this SEM only to know on the first day of school that all my friends took an additional core mod. Honestly, I felt super left out but not going to put blame to anyone but myself. On my part, I cleared by Elective requirements this SEM with the last U/E and the ARTS GEM.

Hence, I took Marketing as my U/E and Introduction to Narrative as my ARTS GEM without doing much of a research. On the first lecture of Narrative, I was shock out of hell cause I totally catch nothing the lecturer said. Till now, after 3 lessons, I still can’t tell you what is a narrative other than it is a story. And the worst thing? about 30% of the marks goes into tutorial participation. I ended up in a discussion module which I totally suck at! You know, I am a typical Asian student, or should I say Singapore student, I don’t like to speak up in class.

So, bad start to a new semester. To make things a little more crazy for me, it’s RAINING ASSIGNMENTS! A module of mine requires constant presentation and reports which is crazy in a way (total of 6 assessed assignments and numerous un- assessed assignments.) Then, tutorial this SEM ended up with presentation of discussion questions every lesson. (that makes 5 assignments.) On top of those group and individual assignments, there are these. I totally lost count of how many assignments I need to do. Just cross fingers and hope that I wouldn’t forget the date of submission. *Faints*

Well, looking on the bright side, it just prepares me for being a project manager who needs to work under extreme stress and tight timelines as whatever goes wrong anywhere, it’s your problem. Yes. I need to be an optimist. Not pessimist.

 

AND. AND. AND. I promise! The last thing…

I

LOVE

MUAY THAI

We FIGHT till we see blood!

AND

NUSTUDIOS!

Where imagination becomes reality!

MAYDAY.

 

一隻鯨魚要怎麼放進冰箱
打開門然後用力關冰箱
然後呢 如果你還想要 放一隻大象

一份希望要怎麼放進心臟
如果你活得有一點悲傷
答案是用力丟掉鯨魚
用力甩悲傷

是誰說半夜不能吃便當
是誰說彩虹不能長在頭上
是誰說藍色就等於憂傷
你看看天空和海洋
順風時就展開雙翅飛翔
逆風時就當成在衝浪
沒有風的時候 那就讓我
開開天窗

一句歌詞怎麼讓你很難忘
方文山 林夕和我都在想
想破頭 也鑽不進一個緊閉的心房

一個難題要用多少的智商
多少淚 還有多少的盼望
多少人變成緊閉門窗 孤獨的國王

Songs from MAYDAY never fails to motivate :) That’s what I like about them. Not those songs involving 爱的死去活来(there are, but honestly speaking I don’t really like) but songs that motivates :) They also have songs that makes you reflect on yourself as well as the society too, it comes close to heart. You’ll see.

 

笑忘歌 is a song that I’ve always liked. But recently I found a even nicer one (although it’s kind of emo.).There is no reason not to like that band. They sang their dreams, they motivate people to keep dreaming on. For people with dreams, as well as those without.

~GMH

I came across a book in NLB a last week and saw a very interesting book. The book is titled “GIVES ME HOPE'” In short, GMH. It’s about very short inspiring stories that span across work, relationship, suicide , disorders and all. It’s suitable for all people. The book aims to let people feel the positive vibes in society given our everyday experience in negativity. I personally like the book and hope if you do come across it, just pick it up to read. It’s won’t take you more than a day to finish the book. But it would be nice to enjoy it slowly.

The book is only a few of the millions story and if you find it inspiring as I do, do visit their website at www.givesmehope.com .

I like these few stories I saw in the book.

My little sister came home from school one day and demanded I take her to the library so she could get books on sign language.

I asked why? She told me there was a new kid at school who was deaf and she wanted to befriend him.
 
Today, I stood beside her at their wedding watching her sign... "I DO".

 

3 days ago, my best friend died. 

2 days ago, I found that she was an organ donor.  

1 day ago, I heard that a nine year old boy now had her heart.  

Today, I met that nine year old boy. He told me that because he had my best friend's heart, he'd be my best friend now.  

My best friend and him GMH.

Touching isn’t it? Well… Always check out the website when you are free :)

Too much?

I wonder if I am trying very hard to kill myself next semester. Yet, I can’t wait for school to start.

My timetable is screwed MAX with no free day, long period of breaks between lessons. Actually I do have one on Mondays, but I slot an ARTS GEM in, so it became no free day. GOON. Anyway, if I take up Muay Thai, I still have to return to school on Monday for it anyway. And so, my screwed to the Max timetable.

As usual, I work during the weekends but I just resigned from JE and so my Saturday evenings from the 20th of Aug will be FREEE! Happy?? Well. No sure. The reason behind the resignation is actually NUStudios. I am SUPER DUPER excited about this CCA! It’s like backstage and film production. COOL MAX!

Till now, that’s 2 CCAs and normal school curriculum. THEN, to make life a little fuller, Yanting and I would be joining on of the volunteer initiative by CSC might be going to MINDSVILLE/IMH :) That falls on a SAT. And so,quitting from JE did not really spare me much free time after all. Well… at least I am doing something I like instead of arguing and getting scolding and black faces from weird doctors.

So now, 3 CCA commitments and normal school curriculum. As you might know, I am trying very hard to be financially independent. So, I have to earn money! By quitting JE on sat I am earning $240 less every month. So, no income, die! Hence, I took up a tuition job. You know, to cover my opp cost lost from resignation. I am suppose to teach the kid on tuesday and friday evenings. Then I am continuing my sunday morning clinic work at MRT. And to make my life more complicated, YT and  signed up for ushers under CFA *faints*. You have to clock 12hours a week. Each session is about 4 hours and that means 3 evenings gone.

I don’t need good maths to know that in a 7 day week, all evenings are burnt.

Mon- Muay Thai, Tues- Tuition, Wed- Ushers (maybe?), Thurs- Tutorial, Fri- Tuition, Sat- Ushering (maybe?), sun- Usher.

I might not get through the interview for ushering because there is a super high probability that I cannot clock the 12hours because events don’t occur everyday!

Then, I still have my academic goals. I have at least 4 projects coming up next sem. I wonder if my grades will plunge, or maybe avalanche. SHRUGS. I hope to improve my CAP for the coming semester to 2nd upper. But with these things at hand, can I juggle my balls well? Is it true that when you have no time, you will start to cherish the time you have? Is it true that because you have too much commitments, you will use your free time to do productive things? I am afraid that I will use my free time to daydream, stone off, watch TV, surf the net and do all those unproductive things other than studying.

Is this too much to cope? I am trying very hard to kill myself, ain’t  I? Is it too much? I hope I can be as happy as that women up there when I start juggling everything. :)

Dilemma

I am sure I posted something along this line around this period last year. The question forever bothering me. Should I quit my work at the clinic. It’s kind of difficult to weigh out the pros and cons of it, the opportunity cost. Well, the pro of course would be an income where you can cover your daily expenses as well as save up some to buy stuff. I do have a goal to reach about the amount of money in my bank account by the end of the year. If I were to quit, if would mean the amount would be shrinking and I wouldn’t reach my goal! My pocket money is barely enough to feed me. Not blaming my parents for the miserable pocket money because I feel Uni is the time your wings grow hard and you should learn to be independent in all ways.

But if I don’t quit, my weekends would be burnt and I thinking next semester is a project semester. It kind of suck if you cannot find a common time for group meetings and I don’t want to be a contributing factor. Afterall, isn’t weekends the better days to meet up from project work? Weekdays seems impossible with the screwed up timetable of everyone. Also, I want to join CCA this sem. Life gets boring if you go to school just for studying and project, I have experienced it last sem and it almost killed me. :(

So Yanting and I has agreed to join NUS CSC and one of their initiatives for a regular volunteering activity and I told her I might join a sports too and NUStage if I get through auditions or even see it in the matric fair :) Then yesterday Kaylene suggested Rovers which I have been wanting to join since last year but no one is interested. IF I join all this, I am not sure if working at the clinic on weekends is feasible. I do have academic goals too.

Hoping to juggle as many balls as I can next semester and it all boils down to time management. Crucial. And I hope with all my might that nothing clashes with anything:) Kindly make my life better. I don’t need friends, all I need is a fulfilling life. Friends come and go (don’t argue, I’ve seen it multiple times) but impact stays forever. Like I posted few weeks ago… that’s why I admire Wayne Lim. :)

Majulah!

So there is this gaga over the national day fun pack song. Finally, I heard the song today on youtube:) So since I am already watching some NDP stuff, I searched for past NDP songs! Bought back alot of memories and I am so glad I still remember those songs. (Home not to say) I even remembered where I belong, we will get there and for one moment I was wondering what is moments of magic. Then… OH! It goes like this, ‘let us celebrate this moments a brand new day await….’ Yipeee!

Then, for some reason, I drifted away from NDP songs and ended up watching this video. It’s kind of old and I am sure alot has seen it before, but I just post for the benefit of those who hasn’t seen it before :)

Well… I wasn’t really joking when I say that I am proud to be a Singaporean. Sometimes I am not because of those doings of Singaporeans, but more often than not, I am proud to be a SINGAPOREAN! :)

TRANSFORMERS

Just came back from the movies! whoo-hoo! Transformers are just nice! and I kind of like the male lead (SAM) as well as the army guy leading the troops (Lennox). Well just in case you don’t know who I am talking about, Sam is the one in the middle of the poster and Lennox is the one on his right, your left :)

I watched it 3D but was terribly disappointed with the effects! it doesn’t really POP out as I expected it to and the things flying around, don’t seems like it’s gonna hit you anyway. Subtitles did pop out really well that it looks kind of disjoint with the movie though. So much for watching an action-packed movie 3D. Well… however, I was sitting in front, the fifth row from the front, maybe the 3D effect isn’t good. If you have gotten a better seat away from the main screen, maybe the effects would be better. Who knows :)

There is always a saying that sequels of a movie usually gets worse. Well. Evident from Spiderman. First and second was superb but what’s with the last one? But I think transformers kind of broke it. The first one is nice, second one is awesome and the third is fantastic other than the part where Megan Foxx is no longer playing in it. I actually prefer Megan Foxx to that new girl.

Well then. Not going to discuss about plots and scenes in the movie here. But recommended. 6 bucks is worth the watch but not 11bucks in 3D. I think the next time I step into a cinema again, it would be HP7. (No. It’s not the computer brand name or it’s new series. LOL)

Admiration

 

 “For when I am weak

then I am strong

我脆弱却不退缩”

 

<I AM> -JJ Lin

落在手裡一顆淚滴 清澈地卻已融化
活在人間 我的壓力和疑惑
愛和理想怎麼評量
闖過難關 避開受傷
其實我和凡人都一樣
擔心路會走錯方向
擔心她不放在心上
擔心生命不再充滿渴望
For when I'm weak Then I am strong
我脆弱 卻不退縮
確定路在對的方向
確定她在我的心上
確定生命永遠有希望
For when I'm weak Then I am strong
我脆弱 卻不退縮
我脆弱 卻永不退縮

 

 

 

 

 

One will admire another when he or she reflects your dreams. I am not saying that I dream to be an entertainer, singing and dancing in front of people, but yes, the man above in the picture reflects what I dream to be or rather someone I hope to become, an impact.

“We are all placed on earth to leave imprints on each others' lives.
Life is about creating something out of nothing, stick to it and keep working on it.

I make music...
I weave dreams...
I live to capture life...

I struggle, but I break free...
I fall, but I get up stronger...
I sleep, but I never stop...

I die, but I live forever...

No one can stop you unless you stop yourself, No one will push you unless you push yourself. The choice is yours.”

 

-JJ Lin

No, I did not regret or hate my mum for not bringing me for music lessons but I will definitely send my child for music lessons in the future, piano, violin or flute. Learning music enhance one’s mind and encourages the mind’s creativity. His musical talent is international, more people loves his music than his person. I dream to be someone talented in something. I used to dance (Chinese dance), I used to play Netball, I used to be sociable. But I excel in none. I have no outstanding talent that he posses.

I dream to impact the society but till today with my youth almost gone, I have yet to do anything that is worth a mention or a memory. What a failure. But him, although his career only took flight in 2004 after the release of the River South, at least he is now a national treasure and a proud Singapore ‘export’. Even before entering the entertainment circle, he already threw a bomb in, a song he composed known as 记得 which hit the charts even till today. He left an impact in Singapore, Taiwan, China and many other parts of Asia. I have read article about how his music help people tide over moments of distress and depression even though it’s a little extreme but at least he caused changes in people, he impacted their lives. What about me? 1/4 of my life is a mundane wake up go school home and sleep. No one remembers me, and no one ever will.

Everyone dreams to be successful, who doesn’t. His success did not come easy. His first album in 2003 was a total failure, but he was thankful to River South that made it. An entertainer’s lifespan works the same way as the economic business cycle, at least for him. He did not stay at the peak of his career all along, he had an album dip in 2007 with his 5th Album ‘Killer’ but that did not end him. He went back to who he really was, not the actor, not the entertainer, but the Singaporean, JJ Lin. He came back with his 6th Album in 2008 ‘Sixology’ promoting the spirit of the bull, never give up. He turned a military concept of Still Moving UnDer GunfirE (SMUDGE) into his fashion label SMG.  You might think he is lucky, but he is far far away from it. When everything seems well, ‘death god’ came to knock on his door, a long-term gastric problem turned too serious that he burnt his throat and lost his voice. He literally faded and disappeared out of the scene and faded into his own world of darkness, that was in 2009, his all time low. The future seems bleak to him, he has no idea what to do. Everyday, the first thing he does when he wakes up is to sing, but nothing came out, I am sure at some point of your time, you will experience this helplessness. This is what makes me like him even more, he did not give up from here, he rise stronger, reborn. In 2009, 100 days was swept off the shelves in a matter of days, his 8 months perseverance, his motivation his ability to cope and walk out of those grey days really made me think, people have gone through so much and came back stronger, what are you doing? Beaten down by a mere sucky a levels? I am not only saying JJ, I am saying even normal people who had difficulties in daily life did not just sit at home, rotting and waiting for government welfare but they work and volunteer and made their life full, what about me? Depression from school? I ought to be ashamed of myself.

Well after the huge success of 100 days, you might still think he got lucky, yet he is still far away from lucky. Caught with H1N1, stuck in a New York Blizzard and a horrendous health report screams a halt in his career. He is now taking a break and I strongly believe, he will come back with even more impactful live stories and touching music.

His journey is not smooth and will never be but he never give up, he dies but he lives forever. I am seeing him to what I want to become, yet something I can’t achieve. Maybe… that’s why I admire.

How I wish I can just walk out of the grey cloudy days and embrace my everyday. But… I can’t. I am stuck in a quicksand slowly devouring me and one day I might just give up struggling and sink in deep and forgotten by everyone.

Farewell, my old friend…

缘分是别离的开始

Humans form social bonds with people, that’s basic survival. Yet, I hate to form social bonds because I am afraid of separation, because I care. I have shared my thoughts, my feelings and sometimes my dreams with you, but yet after all, you left, leaving me all alone to face the world. Sometimes, when I become too dependent on you, I am lost when you leave, my north star is gone. That’s why, I never take the first initiative for a meet-up. To me, one day, everyone leaves you, so why put in so much to maintain. I know I sound selfish, but this is a psychological barrier that I failed to overcome on top of the so many.

My colleague is going back to China. She is someone whom I feel always have a piece of her mind, she is someone whom you can always turn to for advice, she has experienced some life that I haven’t and she is far-sighted. I consulted her quite a lot of times when I become indecisive and she doesn’t tell me what to do but lead me to what I really want. Someone that I like is going off, our paths might no longer cross, we might not meet again, I really don’t want her to leave. Really.

I distaste going to work these days because works gets harder and harder when the passion is no longer there. Hers leaving is not the reason but I no longer grab every chance I have to work. I am really getting sick and tired of being stuck between doctors and patients, I am sick and tired of being so patient and put on a smile even though my day went totally wrong. Now, I rather sit in an office and face the wall or computer and not people or slack at home and not do anything.

我要的到底是什么? Destination unknown. I don’t know where to go next. What’s around the corner?