Exam period is coming. Too all who reads my blog (whom I suppose are just that few souls)
加油！
And I suppose that few souls who reads my blog are coping better than me. I think. HAH.
I have a lot to say, yet I don’t know where to start.
For the past few days, I had mixed emotions. I have thought about remodelling my life, thought about how escape from my current slumber, thought about the wrong decisions made from the past that led me to where I am now, thought about what will I do if time rewinds and even that… maybe I really haven’t walk out of my cloudy days. It sucks to think about ending life. It sucks to suspect that you are suffering from depression. And it sucks even more to think if you should visit a psychiatrist. But I am afraid that one day these thoughts might just overrule whatever sense I have left in mind. Yet, I think I have reached the tip. Every small trigger, sends a suicide message in my mind. I am really afraid of myself now…
Maybe I should stop to find my way again. Where I really want to go.
CM told me on our meeting the other day that you should never worry about being in a lousy course (which I am in) because it doesn’t mean a bleak future nor does it mean a low salary. He brought in the example of pharmacy (any souls in pharmacy who sees this, I am sorry).
He told me… “look, pharmacy is such a hard course to get in. You have to obtain at least 3As in your A-levels to even get consideration into the course. And when you graduate, what happens? You either work in a pharmacy (Watsons, Guardian, Unity) or in the lab. The average salary? about 2,500 and the increment is pathetic.” I thought, true. YT told me about that before. What he is trying to say here is that even if you get into a supposingly ‘good’ course, it does not mean you will have high salary pay in the future.
I might have painted my course a little too perfectly, but our pay can go up to 10,000 a month if you are an experienced PM. But being a junior PM is really tough. 苦盡甘來吧.
XS once told me never to suspect your decision today because you don’t know what happens tomorrow. In the future, you will not look back to today and say hey, I made the right choice, that’s why I am who I am now. When you made that decision, you never know if it’s right or wrong until the fateful day comes. 賭博吧.
I might have made very wrong turn 4 years back. But I should never look back and said I shouldn’t have made that choice. 現在就是賭輸了. 可能會有東山再起的一天吧.
I think…. I need to find a new life goal and I hope I do soon.
