加油!

Exam period is coming. Too all who reads my blog (whom I suppose are just that few souls)

加油！

And I suppose that few souls who reads my blog are coping better than me. I think. HAH.

I have a lot to say, yet I don’t know where to start.

For the past few days, I had mixed emotions. I have thought about remodelling my life, thought about how escape from my current slumber, thought about the wrong decisions made from the past that led me to where I am now, thought about what will I do if time rewinds and even that… maybe I really haven’t walk out of my cloudy days. It sucks to think about ending life. It sucks to suspect that you are suffering from depression. And it sucks even more to think if you should visit a psychiatrist. But I am afraid that one day these thoughts might just overrule whatever sense I have left in mind. Yet, I think I have reached the tip. Every small trigger, sends a suicide message in my mind. I am really afraid of myself now…

Maybe I should stop to find my way again. Where I really want to go.

CM told me on our meeting the other day that you should never worry about being in a lousy course (which I am in) because it doesn’t mean a bleak future nor does it mean a low salary. He brought in the example of pharmacy (any souls in pharmacy who sees this, I am sorry).

He told me… “look, pharmacy is such a hard course to get in. You have to obtain at least 3As in your A-levels to even get consideration into the course. And when you graduate, what happens? You either work in a pharmacy (Watsons, Guardian, Unity) or in the lab. The average salary? about 2,500 and the increment is pathetic.” I thought, true. YT told me about that before. What he is trying to say here is that even if you get into a supposingly ‘good’ course, it does not mean you will have high salary pay in the future.

I might have painted my course a little too perfectly, but our pay can go up to 10,000 a month if you are an experienced PM. But being a junior PM is really tough. 苦盡甘來吧.

XS once told me never to suspect your decision today because you don’t know what happens tomorrow. In the future, you will not look back to today and say hey, I made the right choice, that’s why I am who I am now. When you made that decision, you never know if it’s right or wrong until the fateful day comes. 賭博吧.

I might have made very wrong turn 4 years back. But I should never look back and said I shouldn’t have made that choice. 現在就是賭輸了. 可能會有東山再起的一天吧.

I think…. I need to find a new life goal and I hope I do soon.

Mountains

Piles and Piles of work. Piles and Piles of assignments. I can’t seem to see the end of it.

I kind of lost count of the work I have to do. I just hope with all my might that I don’t miss any submission dates.

What a heavy Semester for me. *huff*

 

Can’t wait for a getaway to Taiwan. Yet, nothing planned.

An unplanned trip will face all kinds of weird obstacles. Just hope we don’t end up sleeping on the streets.

I am too busy to plan.

No one else wants to plan.

 

Can’t wait for a getaway to Thailand/Vietnam. Yet, nothing planned.

Wonder if in the end, nothing happen.

All talk, no action.

Khun can stop flying us aeroplane.

 

加油！做你自己的英雄.

Isn’t the picture cute? :)

Rainy days.

If everyone can walk out, why can’t I

Why can’t I forget the past and embrace the future

Why can’t I forget that particular you and move on

Why do I shun

Why do I hide

Why am I so addicted to Unhappiness

Why can’t I move on

Why oh why can’t I?

And so, School started….

I haven’t been posting since I started school. So maybe a mini update? I will keep it short. PROMISE.

READER’S WARNING! Complaining starting soon…

So, this is what happened when school started…

I took 3 CORE mods this SEM only to know on the first day of school that all my friends took an additional core mod. Honestly, I felt super left out but not going to put blame to anyone but myself. On my part, I cleared by Elective requirements this SEM with the last U/E and the ARTS GEM.

Hence, I took Marketing as my U/E and Introduction to Narrative as my ARTS GEM without doing much of a research. On the first lecture of Narrative, I was shock out of hell cause I totally catch nothing the lecturer said. Till now, after 3 lessons, I still can’t tell you what is a narrative other than it is a story. And the worst thing? about 30% of the marks goes into tutorial participation. I ended up in a discussion module which I totally suck at! You know, I am a typical Asian student, or should I say Singapore student, I don’t like to speak up in class.

So, bad start to a new semester. To make things a little more crazy for me, it’s RAINING ASSIGNMENTS! A module of mine requires constant presentation and reports which is crazy in a way (total of 6 assessed assignments and numerous un- assessed assignments.) Then, tutorial this SEM ended up with presentation of discussion questions every lesson. (that makes 5 assignments.) On top of those group and individual assignments, there are these. I totally lost count of how many assignments I need to do. Just cross fingers and hope that I wouldn’t forget the date of submission. *Faints*

Well, looking on the bright side, it just prepares me for being a project manager who needs to work under extreme stress and tight timelines as whatever goes wrong anywhere, it’s your problem. Yes. I need to be an optimist. Not pessimist.

 

AND. AND. AND. I promise! The last thing…

I

LOVE

MUAY THAI

We FIGHT till we see blood!

AND

NUSTUDIOS!

Where imagination becomes reality!

MAYDAY.

 

一隻鯨魚要怎麼放進冰箱
打開門然後用力關冰箱
然後呢 如果你還想要 放一隻大象

一份希望要怎麼放進心臟
如果你活得有一點悲傷
答案是用力丟掉鯨魚
用力甩悲傷

是誰說半夜不能吃便當
是誰說彩虹不能長在頭上
是誰說藍色就等於憂傷
你看看天空和海洋
順風時就展開雙翅飛翔
逆風時就當成在衝浪
沒有風的時候 那就讓我
開開天窗

一句歌詞怎麼讓你很難忘
方文山 林夕和我都在想
想破頭 也鑽不進一個緊閉的心房

一個難題要用多少的智商
多少淚 還有多少的盼望
多少人變成緊閉門窗 孤獨的國王

Songs from MAYDAY never fails to motivate :) That’s what I like about them. Not those songs involving 爱的死去活来(there are, but honestly speaking I don’t really like) but songs that motivates :) They also have songs that makes you reflect on yourself as well as the society too, it comes close to heart. You’ll see.

 

笑忘歌 is a song that I’ve always liked. But recently I found a even nicer one (although it’s kind of emo.).There is no reason not to like that band. They sang their dreams, they motivate people to keep dreaming on. For people with dreams, as well as those without.

~GMH

I came across a book in NLB a last week and saw a very interesting book. The book is titled “GIVES ME HOPE'” In short, GMH. It’s about very short inspiring stories that span across work, relationship, suicide , disorders and all. It’s suitable for all people. The book aims to let people feel the positive vibes in society given our everyday experience in negativity. I personally like the book and hope if you do come across it, just pick it up to read. It’s won’t take you more than a day to finish the book. But it would be nice to enjoy it slowly.

The book is only a few of the millions story and if you find it inspiring as I do, do visit their website at www.givesmehope.com .

I like these few stories I saw in the book.

My little sister came home from school one day and demanded I take her to the library so she could get books on sign language.

I asked why? She told me there was a new kid at school who was deaf and she wanted to befriend him.
 
Today, I stood beside her at their wedding watching her sign... "I DO".

 

3 days ago, my best friend died. 

2 days ago, I found that she was an organ donor.  

1 day ago, I heard that a nine year old boy now had her heart.  

Today, I met that nine year old boy. He told me that because he had my best friend's heart, he'd be my best friend now.  

My best friend and him GMH.

Touching isn’t it? Well… Always check out the website when you are free :)

Too much?

I wonder if I am trying very hard to kill myself next semester. Yet, I can’t wait for school to start.

My timetable is screwed MAX with no free day, long period of breaks between lessons. Actually I do have one on Mondays, but I slot an ARTS GEM in, so it became no free day. GOON. Anyway, if I take up Muay Thai, I still have to return to school on Monday for it anyway. And so, my screwed to the Max timetable.

As usual, I work during the weekends but I just resigned from JE and so my Saturday evenings from the 20th of Aug will be FREEE! Happy?? Well. No sure. The reason behind the resignation is actually NUStudios. I am SUPER DUPER excited about this CCA! It’s like backstage and film production. COOL MAX!

Till now, that’s 2 CCAs and normal school curriculum. THEN, to make life a little fuller, Yanting and I would be joining on of the volunteer initiative by CSC might be going to MINDSVILLE/IMH :) That falls on a SAT. And so,quitting from JE did not really spare me much free time after all. Well… at least I am doing something I like instead of arguing and getting scolding and black faces from weird doctors.

So now, 3 CCA commitments and normal school curriculum. As you might know, I am trying very hard to be financially independent. So, I have to earn money! By quitting JE on sat I am earning $240 less every month. So, no income, die! Hence, I took up a tuition job. You know, to cover my opp cost lost from resignation. I am suppose to teach the kid on tuesday and friday evenings. Then I am continuing my sunday morning clinic work at MRT. And to make my life more complicated, YT and  signed up for ushers under CFA *faints*. You have to clock 12hours a week. Each session is about 4 hours and that means 3 evenings gone.

I don’t need good maths to know that in a 7 day week, all evenings are burnt.

Mon- Muay Thai, Tues- Tuition, Wed- Ushers (maybe?), Thurs- Tutorial, Fri- Tuition, Sat- Ushering (maybe?), sun- Usher.

I might not get through the interview for ushering because there is a super high probability that I cannot clock the 12hours because events don’t occur everyday!

Then, I still have my academic goals. I have at least 4 projects coming up next sem. I wonder if my grades will plunge, or maybe avalanche. SHRUGS. I hope to improve my CAP for the coming semester to 2nd upper. But with these things at hand, can I juggle my balls well? Is it true that when you have no time, you will start to cherish the time you have? Is it true that because you have too much commitments, you will use your free time to do productive things? I am afraid that I will use my free time to daydream, stone off, watch TV, surf the net and do all those unproductive things other than studying.

Is this too much to cope? I am trying very hard to kill myself, ain’t  I? Is it too much? I hope I can be as happy as that women up there when I start juggling everything. :)

Dilemma

I am sure I posted something along this line around this period last year. The question forever bothering me. Should I quit my work at the clinic. It’s kind of difficult to weigh out the pros and cons of it, the opportunity cost. Well, the pro of course would be an income where you can cover your daily expenses as well as save up some to buy stuff. I do have a goal to reach about the amount of money in my bank account by the end of the year. If I were to quit, if would mean the amount would be shrinking and I wouldn’t reach my goal! My pocket money is barely enough to feed me. Not blaming my parents for the miserable pocket money because I feel Uni is the time your wings grow hard and you should learn to be independent in all ways.

But if I don’t quit, my weekends would be burnt and I thinking next semester is a project semester. It kind of suck if you cannot find a common time for group meetings and I don’t want to be a contributing factor. Afterall, isn’t weekends the better days to meet up from project work? Weekdays seems impossible with the screwed up timetable of everyone. Also, I want to join CCA this sem. Life gets boring if you go to school just for studying and project, I have experienced it last sem and it almost killed me. :(

So Yanting and I has agreed to join NUS CSC and one of their initiatives for a regular volunteering activity and I told her I might join a sports too and NUStage if I get through auditions or even see it in the matric fair :) Then yesterday Kaylene suggested Rovers which I have been wanting to join since last year but no one is interested. IF I join all this, I am not sure if working at the clinic on weekends is feasible. I do have academic goals too.

Hoping to juggle as many balls as I can next semester and it all boils down to time management. Crucial. And I hope with all my might that nothing clashes with anything:) Kindly make my life better. I don’t need friends, all I need is a fulfilling life. Friends come and go (don’t argue, I’ve seen it multiple times) but impact stays forever. Like I posted few weeks ago… that’s why I admire Wayne Lim. :)

Majulah!

So there is this gaga over the national day fun pack song. Finally, I heard the song today on youtube:) So since I am already watching some NDP stuff, I searched for past NDP songs! Bought back alot of memories and I am so glad I still remember those songs. (Home not to say) I even remembered where I belong, we will get there and for one moment I was wondering what is moments of magic. Then… OH! It goes like this, ‘let us celebrate this moments a brand new day await….’ Yipeee!

Then, for some reason, I drifted away from NDP songs and ended up watching this video. It’s kind of old and I am sure alot has seen it before, but I just post for the benefit of those who hasn’t seen it before :)

Well… I wasn’t really joking when I say that I am proud to be a Singaporean. Sometimes I am not because of those doings of Singaporeans, but more often than not, I am proud to be a SINGAPOREAN! :)

TRANSFORMERS

Just came back from the movies! whoo-hoo! Transformers are just nice! and I kind of like the male lead (SAM) as well as the army guy leading the troops (Lennox). Well just in case you don’t know who I am talking about, Sam is the one in the middle of the poster and Lennox is the one on his right, your left :)

I watched it 3D but was terribly disappointed with the effects! it doesn’t really POP out as I expected it to and the things flying around, don’t seems like it’s gonna hit you anyway. Subtitles did pop out really well that it looks kind of disjoint with the movie though. So much for watching an action-packed movie 3D. Well… however, I was sitting in front, the fifth row from the front, maybe the 3D effect isn’t good. If you have gotten a better seat away from the main screen, maybe the effects would be better. Who knows :)

There is always a saying that sequels of a movie usually gets worse. Well. Evident from Spiderman. First and second was superb but what’s with the last one? But I think transformers kind of broke it. The first one is nice, second one is awesome and the third is fantastic other than the part where Megan Foxx is no longer playing in it. I actually prefer Megan Foxx to that new girl.

Well then. Not going to discuss about plots and scenes in the movie here. But recommended. 6 bucks is worth the watch but not 11bucks in 3D. I think the next time I step into a cinema again, it would be HP7. (No. It’s not the computer brand name or it’s new series. LOL)

Admiration

 

 “For when I am weak

then I am strong

我脆弱却不退缩”

 

<I AM> -JJ Lin

落在手裡一顆淚滴 清澈地卻已融化
活在人間 我的壓力和疑惑
愛和理想怎麼評量
闖過難關 避開受傷
其實我和凡人都一樣
擔心路會走錯方向
擔心她不放在心上
擔心生命不再充滿渴望
For when I'm weak Then I am strong
我脆弱 卻不退縮
確定路在對的方向
確定她在我的心上
確定生命永遠有希望
For when I'm weak Then I am strong
我脆弱 卻不退縮
我脆弱 卻永不退縮

 

 

 

 

 

One will admire another when he or she reflects your dreams. I am not saying that I dream to be an entertainer, singing and dancing in front of people, but yes, the man above in the picture reflects what I dream to be or rather someone I hope to become, an impact.

“We are all placed on earth to leave imprints on each others' lives.
Life is about creating something out of nothing, stick to it and keep working on it.

I make music...
I weave dreams...
I live to capture life...

I struggle, but I break free...
I fall, but I get up stronger...
I sleep, but I never stop...

I die, but I live forever...

No one can stop you unless you stop yourself, No one will push you unless you push yourself. The choice is yours.”

 

-JJ Lin

No, I did not regret or hate my mum for not bringing me for music lessons but I will definitely send my child for music lessons in the future, piano, violin or flute. Learning music enhance one’s mind and encourages the mind’s creativity. His musical talent is international, more people loves his music than his person. I dream to be someone talented in something. I used to dance (Chinese dance), I used to play Netball, I used to be sociable. But I excel in none. I have no outstanding talent that he posses.

I dream to impact the society but till today with my youth almost gone, I have yet to do anything that is worth a mention or a memory. What a failure. But him, although his career only took flight in 2004 after the release of the River South, at least he is now a national treasure and a proud Singapore ‘export’. Even before entering the entertainment circle, he already threw a bomb in, a song he composed known as 记得 which hit the charts even till today. He left an impact in Singapore, Taiwan, China and many other parts of Asia. I have read article about how his music help people tide over moments of distress and depression even though it’s a little extreme but at least he caused changes in people, he impacted their lives. What about me? 1/4 of my life is a mundane wake up go school home and sleep. No one remembers me, and no one ever will.

Everyone dreams to be successful, who doesn’t. His success did not come easy. His first album in 2003 was a total failure, but he was thankful to River South that made it. An entertainer’s lifespan works the same way as the economic business cycle, at least for him. He did not stay at the peak of his career all along, he had an album dip in 2007 with his 5th Album ‘Killer’ but that did not end him. He went back to who he really was, not the actor, not the entertainer, but the Singaporean, JJ Lin. He came back with his 6th Album in 2008 ‘Sixology’ promoting the spirit of the bull, never give up. He turned a military concept of Still Moving UnDer GunfirE (SMUDGE) into his fashion label SMG.  You might think he is lucky, but he is far far away from it. When everything seems well, ‘death god’ came to knock on his door, a long-term gastric problem turned too serious that he burnt his throat and lost his voice. He literally faded and disappeared out of the scene and faded into his own world of darkness, that was in 2009, his all time low. The future seems bleak to him, he has no idea what to do. Everyday, the first thing he does when he wakes up is to sing, but nothing came out, I am sure at some point of your time, you will experience this helplessness. This is what makes me like him even more, he did not give up from here, he rise stronger, reborn. In 2009, 100 days was swept off the shelves in a matter of days, his 8 months perseverance, his motivation his ability to cope and walk out of those grey days really made me think, people have gone through so much and came back stronger, what are you doing? Beaten down by a mere sucky a levels? I am not only saying JJ, I am saying even normal people who had difficulties in daily life did not just sit at home, rotting and waiting for government welfare but they work and volunteer and made their life full, what about me? Depression from school? I ought to be ashamed of myself.

Well after the huge success of 100 days, you might still think he got lucky, yet he is still far away from lucky. Caught with H1N1, stuck in a New York Blizzard and a horrendous health report screams a halt in his career. He is now taking a break and I strongly believe, he will come back with even more impactful live stories and touching music.

His journey is not smooth and will never be but he never give up, he dies but he lives forever. I am seeing him to what I want to become, yet something I can’t achieve. Maybe… that’s why I admire.

How I wish I can just walk out of the grey cloudy days and embrace my everyday. But… I can’t. I am stuck in a quicksand slowly devouring me and one day I might just give up struggling and sink in deep and forgotten by everyone.

Farewell, my old friend…

缘分是别离的开始

Humans form social bonds with people, that’s basic survival. Yet, I hate to form social bonds because I am afraid of separation, because I care. I have shared my thoughts, my feelings and sometimes my dreams with you, but yet after all, you left, leaving me all alone to face the world. Sometimes, when I become too dependent on you, I am lost when you leave, my north star is gone. That’s why, I never take the first initiative for a meet-up. To me, one day, everyone leaves you, so why put in so much to maintain. I know I sound selfish, but this is a psychological barrier that I failed to overcome on top of the so many.

My colleague is going back to China. She is someone whom I feel always have a piece of her mind, she is someone whom you can always turn to for advice, she has experienced some life that I haven’t and she is far-sighted. I consulted her quite a lot of times when I become indecisive and she doesn’t tell me what to do but lead me to what I really want. Someone that I like is going off, our paths might no longer cross, we might not meet again, I really don’t want her to leave. Really.

I distaste going to work these days because works gets harder and harder when the passion is no longer there. Hers leaving is not the reason but I no longer grab every chance I have to work. I am really getting sick and tired of being stuck between doctors and patients, I am sick and tired of being so patient and put on a smile even though my day went totally wrong. Now, I rather sit in an office and face the wall or computer and not people or slack at home and not do anything.

我要的到底是什么? Destination unknown. I don’t know where to go next. What’s around the corner?

A New Beginning

My new blogskin is out! Nice and simple, just the way I like it :)) This took me a much much lesser time to do as compared to the previous which took me nearly two weeks this only took 3days :)) Yippeeee! Just hope you like it :)) Ohhh… and I miss out the tag board on purpose because I see no point in putting one when only two people comment on my posts.

It’s Sei’s BD yesterday, went for a chill out at blue Jazz bar?? It’s a long time since I see my JC peeps. Although part of me does not want to maintain bonds with them because of the fear of leaving, another part just loves to hang out with them… Kind of contradicting. So, as and when I can, I will always turn up.

I shall change my way of blogging by reducing the amt of words and add in more pictures, make life easier for the readers and as you know, a picture speaks a thousand words. And since I gave so much a space for entries, I shall add colours to it :)

Last time I posted was on the beginning of June. Given my boring and mundane life, there is not much to tell. Just ended special sem 1. Psychology is really really reallyx100 FUN! But I am actually quite glad that I did not choose psy as my major to study… There is too much to memorise given it’s wide application. :( Kind of a wishful thinking to think that psy is more on disorders… after you take the introductory, disorders are only one chapter out of that 20 over chapters you are to study. OMG!

Anyways, since special sem is over, I have no intention to look for a job, or rather should I say no one wants to hire me, so I am predicting I would be pretty free for July (weekends excluded). =) So it’s time to do something to add some colours to my mundane life. First, I need to get my stamina up so that Huimin doesn't have to wait hours for me on the 10th of July. Priority. Then since there is this training up of stamina, I shall plan some slimming down program (not that I think I will follow it, but it’s worth trying). My excessive fats is irritating me these days.

I have plans to do some voluntary work, but yet to find any interesting events to volunteer for. Might be trying out being an ‘ambassador’ to bring new international freshies around if time permits. And also go for some nature walk to take some photos, ya know, brush up some photography skills and I have already crafted the places I thought of going =) Currently, I am thinking of going alone, but it gets lonely… kind of.

I am thinking of getting a tuition job, emailed the agency but no replies. Just get a little more patience… But I am wondering if I do really get one tuition job, how am I going to teach the kid? what way? What if I don’t know how to do the questions he/she ask me? It makes me kind of a clown. Maybe I think too much yea?

Another day has gone

I’m still all alone

How could this be

You’re not here with me

 

You never say goodbye

Someone tell me why

Why you’d have to go

You leave my world cold

 

Everyday I sit and ask myself

How did love slip away

Something whispers in my ears and say

 

You are not alone

I am here with you

Though we are far apart

I am here to stay

Just Trying…

I tried out something known as the live writer into publishing this post… hopes it turns out well though… Haha =D

Anyways, I went for a nature trail walk today and it turned out horrendous. From the lack of planning and preparation. Gonna conquer it next week again. Hopes it turns out better this time. Anyone wants to go together we me? We are walking from vivo to mount faber then to henderson waves, then alexander arch then hort park followed by kent ridge park and end at NUS. Interested souls can message me. LOL.

Okies. This is actually just a trail that I a trying out if the live writter really works. Haha.

oohhhh…. and any souls have interest in going GENTING? I thought we could go for a great escape before school starts and everything starts crushing down again.

Chance upon this video wondered if any one has watched it before :)

A FLASHMOB IN RAFFLES PLACE!!

Kind of funn actually... Spice up boring life in urban Singapore. Hhaa
How I hope I can be part of it too.
This is actually an advertising technique by HTC yet throughout the whole dance, i didn't see any HTC phone. LOL
So is this a failure?
anywayss... It's so COOL!
People should do this more! and Singaporeans should be more engaged man!

Went out with HUimin today to queensway... only to realise that the distance between me and the rest of the people thriving in a competitive environment is getting larger and larger. Like what she said, if you think we changed, it's because of our environment. It screams in me that it's time to get independent. Just like what Yanting said, UNi is the time to learn to be independent. I always thought I am, and I think I still am. Just that emotions always and is forever getting in my way toward the utmost independence.

I told her today I felt as though I have wasted my youth away and I really did. I passed my youth without any shocking accomplishment. Didn't earn my first 10K, didn't have any outstanding achievements. Just an average plain Jane that I doubt anyone would remember. That's kind of sad, ya. Hope it's not too late now to make any impact I am intending to make. Still no major plans for any form of achievement.

If environment is a factor, I rather be in a competitive one. At least I wouldn't feel so useless and inferior. At least I wouldn't fear for my future. But, as always. It's an irony that people in the rural areas wants to go urban while urban souls wants to go rural.

Humans are the most complicated beings. One single organism can have multiple personalities. I never believed in psychology test because I always feel that I have multiple personality disorder whenever I do that. One test can produce the opposite result of another. But it could just that I do not have an outstanding ability. Afterall, how well do you know yourself?

INDEPENDENCE. Learn to protect yourself. This is not selfishness but survival.

This year's GE is kind of crazy...
It make me wonder if I was oblivious to politics in the previous GEs or did this year's GE turn out so happening.

Although Jurong GRC is a clear win for PAP
I think the campagin here sucks.
So much for me being so excited about the election
All I heard was that freaking PAP truck with the loud hailer.
and since Lim Boon Heng step down the new PAP member Desmond Lee is taking over his duties in my Area....
Saddd..... My LBH.

And thanks to the best friend run on sunday, I was at bedok stadium on Saturday night to witness the downfall of George Yeo's team in Aljunied. Witness the bimbo-ness of Tin PeiLing. Yupx. It's a pretty new experience and thrilling to be in such events. It's feels like you are in PAP's 战营 and getting brain washed by the PAP cause when they win, they typically mute the TV and deliver speech (when actually my eyes is on Yam Ah Mee instead). The reaction of the loss in Aljunied at Bedok stadium was epic. Pin drop silence when YAM annouced the vote counts and out of the pin drop silence, you hear two WHOO! from the young spectators there. Kind of fun though.

Next GE when our badge get to vote, PAP gotta do something more than what they are doing now. Only GRCs and SMC in the western area won quite comfortably (mean 60% and above) and the champion came from western Singapore too. Is the westies so fond of PAP? or is the that we have high population of elderies in the west?

Oh... and when I was having my psy tutorial today, my tutor was saying, it's not the younger generation than voted against the PAP. He said he talked to quite a number of his students and they voted for PAP and so who are the ones voting against?? The sandwich class, people who feels the pinch of whatever policy that the government come up with never seems to reach to them. Hhaa.

YIPEEE!
Cleared 3 papers.
2 more to go.

Well... It's a really bad idea to have a one week break between papers.
cause you have no mood to study...
AT ALL
Just hope I don't flunk my PF1103 and LAT1201.


年少时候谁没有梦
无意之中你将心愿透漏
就在你生日地时候
我将小小口琴送
最难忘记你地笑容
How I wish there is someone that I can sing this song to
Pathetically.

I am very tempted to post something very very personal here.
but without this being password protected.
there is still a risk the person would chance upon this post.
so... I shall hold the post till I start a word press account after my papers
I am still thinking of the web design.
And if I still remembers then what am I about to post today...

爱是愚人的国度
...
爱是自娱自乐演出

I feel like a nun these few days...
I haven't step out of jurong since saturday.
5days counting down to my first paper...
I can't wait for it to finish and enjoy my 3 months holidays.
Not gonna blog about my plans here because most likely I won't be completing anyone of them.
No point.

Hmm...
I think I studied too much for A-levels
that I am now very reluctant to study...
Although I did not step out of Jurong
I was watching shows at home instead of preparing for my exams.
No exam stress felt
and I am pretty worried about this ignorance.
Staring at the same page of notes for hours with nothing going in
this is bad man.
then.
I want to pull my pathetic CAP up.
not studying. I think i am pulling my CAP down instead.

Going back to stare at economics after lunch.
I want to either maintain or improve...
please don't deprove...

Anyways, I have this urge to start a word press account.
Should I?
Should I not?
We will see then.

Abit of relaxing to do. Listen to some music. Stephanie Sun's new album is not bad.
Try listening 愚人的国度 and 空口言.
I am very lazy to post youtube vedios here.
But I think both MVs are nice to watch =D

加油吧大家！


‘读读读读读到书好想吐好想哭
怕怕怕怕怕老是背书好白痴
你你你你你只会说你要第一
我就快要发扬巅峰’
-会读书 （林俊杰）

Just one moment of weakness.





能不能在哭一下下
把记忆彻底的分化
刚哭完我就会回家
眼泪我会提自己擦

I don't know how to comfort someone... I don't know if I did the right thing... but I felt kinda bad after that... cause I am of difference with the person I was 'back-stabbing'... So telling her about him is like telling her about me.... Fine. I know you don't know what the hell I am gabbling about :(


Feeling kind of NUAH these days thanks to some food poisoning... I was suppose to start on an asshole lab report like last week but procrastinated till thurs to do it. Yet, thurs I wasn't feeling well enough to even watch a 2.2hr movie without running to the toilet. Friday was typically spent sleeping at home. Literally. I think I have never slept as much as last friday. My sat is usually burnt because of work. So, it wasn't until today that I started on my lab report only to find how much of a horror it was. 88pages report... how on earth is 3 people going to finish by 1st april?! Well... we are able to finish it with sub standard quality maybe? Adding to it... my ssb report is still not finalised :(( Team mate just called to point out one BIG problem about another team mate which was evident to me on day one of our project. But me being me, always chose to ignore what others can't see. Selfish, ain't I? Now, I am eating my own rotten fruits. Well... who to blame? Following week is gonna be one hellish week.

Even though the stress is coming in now, it's still me to blame because all these could have been done smoothly and without any problems if I had planned my time well and not waste it on lazing arounf at home or even stare into my computer day in day out without doing any productive stuff. Who to blame? Myself again.

While I was having a temper with the 88pages report, I went onto the youtube (forever my fav site) and scouted on you-know-who and thought I should put this up. I couldn't stop laughing...



He should pay a fortune to buy this back... Haha :) The next one is pretty long and hence not recommended to watch unless you are super free.



He never fails to brighten up my day. Why oh why.... I wonder...

There are times in one's life that you find that you are aimless. Your life becomes such a routine that you don't even need to think or plan about where you are going next, cause you are going nowwhere. That's what I am feeling now. :(

I need to re-ignite my passion for something, there are so many things that I want to try yet I don't have the courage to. I act as though I am happy with my current status but deep down I am not, Tan Bei Yi wants a more fruitful life than the one she is currently in.

I need to be more determine to finish a task. I always leave things hanging because my thoughts drifted away. I never get things complete.

I need to find my goal in life, because it would be my north star to success. I don't want to be an aimless wanderer.

I hate to be alone, yet I don't take the first step. I act as though I am Chirppy dosen't mean thats me. I am just a lady who lack confidence, who have no interest in anything, who thinks she failed the world.

I know complaining with no actions does no good. I have been asked, is this a fact or a psychological problem. I myself know it's the latter, but I don't know how to change.

I hate to feel inferior to people yet I want to be humble. Contradicting. How I wish I had just half of HIS confidence. How I wish...

"When I am weak, then I am strong. 我脆弱却不退缩."

Changes.

Keeping a social life in Uni is hard.
Maybe I didn't make an effort to do that
but...
It's also maybe I don't want to do that...
The people I hang out with last Sem is already very small.
A trip overseas for the whole dec makes things worst.

School started before I even had a chance to breathe
and I found out how alone I am without the Hall and coursemates.
I chose to take modules different from theirs
and because of our timetables, tutorials slots are also different.
I can't see sustainability in this friendship.
It's something like a touch and go.
A hi-bye.

Changes.

Have I changed?
No idea.
Success is a matter of Strategy and Habits.
You cannot bring your old habits into a new environment.
Association is also very important.
Mix with the right people.
Recently, I have been bombed down with life triggers I would say.
Some words that people say that would inspire you to work towards your goals.
Negativity is a pattern, you cannot eliminate negativity but you can displace them.
You are born to win but conditioned to fail.
No one can make you upset unless they get your permission
People don't know how much you care until you show them.
Later, tomorrow and yesterday means never

I hope I have changed to a better person.
I hope I will change to a better person.
变化。

"I do not fear the man who does 10,000 different kick but I fear the man who does the same kick 10,000 times." -Bruce lee.

People, it's time to change. :)
Love.

Do you have dreams?
When you were 5, what are your dreams?
When you were 10, what are your dreams?
When you are 20, what would be your dreams?
When you are forty, what dreams would you have left?

People shrink their dreams to meet reality.
So do I.
I don't have a strong dream.
When I was 10, I dreamt of being a marine biologist.
But my mum said, you will not have rice to eat.
When I was 14, I dreamt of being a Interpol investigator/FBI.
But my grades told me, you are not observant enough.
When I was 16, I dreamt of being a physiotherapist.
But my parents said, please don't waste your time.
When I was 18, my dream was to be a construction project manager.
No one opposed to that. But I did recieve opposition when I chosed SDE over FASS.
Now I am 19, what's my dream?
Simple.
To lead a live of freedom.

Financial Freedom
Illness freedom
Freed from family problems
All kinds of freedom

Do you know what's the root cause of all problems?
MONEY

Money can cause all evil. It can break a family apart
It can cause people lose their lives cause they couldn't afford their medical expenses
It can cause people to live in poverty

But money dosen't drop from the sky.
I strongly believe in "Nothing ventured, nothing gain"

Without sowing, you won't reap.

有钱可以似鬼推磨
Heard of this before?
I might be money minded
But I know what money can do for all of us
Who dosen't like money?
You need money to realise your dreams no matter how small it is.
Your dreams might be just getting a well-paid job. You still need money to get a degree at least.
You need money to support your daily expenses.
Please don't tell me you food and housing dropped from the sky or god gave it to you.
If you are a filial child
You need money to support your parents such that they can retire and enjoy life instead of bringing back money to feed you and in return you complained that they don't care about you.

Something I have come across towards the end of last year might change me into someone you have never known, but I did not and will not regret.

Someone told me this today.
"If you did not make a concious decision to live a life of greatness, you have made the decision to be poor"