缘分是别离的开始
Humans form social bonds with people, that’s basic survival. Yet, I hate to form social bonds because I am afraid of separation, because I care. I have shared my thoughts, my feelings and sometimes my dreams with you, but yet after all, you left, leaving me all alone to face the world. Sometimes, when I become too dependent on you, I am lost when you leave, my north star is gone. That’s why, I never take the first initiative for a meet-up. To me, one day, everyone leaves you, so why put in so much to maintain. I know I sound selfish, but this is a psychological barrier that I failed to overcome on top of the so many.
My colleague is going back to China. She is someone whom I feel always have a piece of her mind, she is someone whom you can always turn to for advice, she has experienced some life that I haven’t and she is far-sighted. I consulted her quite a lot of times when I become indecisive and she doesn’t tell me what to do but lead me to what I really want. Someone that I like is going off, our paths might no longer cross, we might not meet again, I really don’t want her to leave. Really.
I distaste going to work these days because works gets harder and harder when the passion is no longer there. Hers leaving is not the reason but I no longer grab every chance I have to work. I am really getting sick and tired of being stuck between doctors and patients, I am sick and tired of being so patient and put on a smile even though my day went totally wrong. Now, I rather sit in an office and face the wall or computer and not people or slack at home and not do anything.
我要的到底是什么? Destination unknown. I don’t know where to go next. What’s around the corner?
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