A family

I wonder how I will become when I graduate and enter the working society. I couldn’t see myself after graduation, where I will be working at? How will work be like? Will I care about others other than myself?

Many times I worry that I will no grow to be a filial child. I have a complete family yet I have no bond with my family members. Sometimes, I even wonder how well do they know me. I can foresee myself moving out to stay alone once I am financially independent to own a flat. I barely talk to my dad, maybe less than 10 sentences per week? and our conversation usually revolves around “do you want to eat BBQ tmr?” and “how do I spell this word”. Talking to my dad is like talking to some random guy from the street. He don’t care about me, I don’t care about him. Our relationship, is just I have his genes and I am living under one roof with him. I owe him heaps of money. That’s all. Sometimes, I actually harbour thoughts that I will not feed him when I grow old. Just like how he dosen’t care about his family, I will not care about him. I consider myself pretty close to my mum. I want to be filial to her. But every time I have a problem, I don’t know how to tell her, I don’t even feel comfortable approaching my mum with regards to anything.

A family should be a harbour. Somewhere you can go to when you feel down, you need help and stuff like that. But I couldn’t see anyone that I could approach and talk to about how I feel. There seems to be an invisible barrier between all my family members. I hate how my brother always shout at my mum and don’t understand how she really cares for him. I hate my dad for being so indifferent in my family matters like he is outsider and always goes running a marathon. I hate myself for not being able to be there and comfort my mum, share her burden and worries. I hate myself for not being able to show and express how much I care for the only member I really want to care for in the family. I hate myself for being dependent on the most vulnerable person in my family. I hate myself for not being able to give any form of support to my mum.

How… what am I suppose to do. My family is broken psychologically, I don’t want to grow to be an unfilial kid. I know how much my parents have been through to grow me. Yet, I don’t feel like returning such efforts back to them especially my dad.

Sometimes, I just wish that I could disappear… 

Stargazing @ SEMAKAU. Maybe not.

Got kind of excited and disappointed with my trip and I shall blog it. Tired but I slept from 3 to 6pm and down-ed a cup of coffee. So I suppose I would be up till 3,4 am today? Mass research and catch-up to do. Have really been slacking like no one’s business since the semester started. I shall not be the 老鼠屎 and drag everyone down and I made myself a promise to start getting serious with school after by trip this weekend. :)

Back after a one night trip to Semakau Island :) It’s a beautiful island off the coast of Singapore. I thought a lot of people have went on the island before but apparently, everyone in our group hasn’t been there except me. What a waste! But at least now they have been! I didn’t very much took any photos cause it was getting dark and Singapore was kind of hazy. Then again I can kop some that I took a few years back when I went from my Facebook.

 

Nice quiet and serene island. Lovely! Some place really rare in Singapore. This trip to Semakau was in a way a wasted trip cause we are supposed to star gaze and end up seeking shelter in the admin building from the thunderstorm last night!

A nice try from YEC to promote GREEN (3Rs), we organized an overnight trip (less than 24hrs) to Pulau Semakau, a landfill where all your rubbish (burnt to ashes as well as those un-incinerable) goes to. We are YOUTHS and it would be so damn boring to just go for the island tour. So we decided to add in a little extra, STAR GAZING! I suggested it, thank me :P  Initially we wanted to add in inter-tidal walk too, but this month is the high-tide month, so no inter-tidal walks available. In collaboration with TASOS, we went for stargazing. The trip is not cheap at all but if we can see all the September sky constellation, I am actually willing to pay more. Our universe is a wonderful thing and TASOS is really devoted and knowledgeable in astronomy that its fascinating just to see pictures that they took and their detailed explanation about the universe. It would of course be better if they charge us a lower price. :P 

Back to the trip, a short briefing was given to us to show us what to look out for in the sky. So… these are what we are SUPPOSED to see in the September Sky.

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September sky is said to the the sky for the water signs. Namely the Aquarius and Capricorn. The top right of the Capricorn sign, you see the 3 dots there? The biggest one is one of the star clusters (M30)

The Aquarius sign has a star cluster too… but I don’t remember the number. SAD. Other than stars, we can also see planets. When the sun sets, facing south, we can see planet SATURN and MARS. At midnight, about 1am, the Eastern sky will find you Jupiter and Venus.

These are all we are suppose to be able to see if the weather is good. AWESOME right! I was so damn excited and then it turned out that it was a cloudy and rainy night. I managed to catch a glimpse of Jupiter and the moon craters in the morning about 7am just right beside the moon. And I was so emo when no one informed me that they set up the telescope at 4am in the morning and could see Sirius, Orion, Jupiter, Venus and even the international space station! and I was in the admin building NUA-ing trying to go back to sleep cause its so damn cold.

Anyways, its really a nice trip and it would be more awesome if there was no rain. I wouldn’t mind organising another one there again! This time I will pray to the deities in the sky not to rain. Hmm…. when’s the dry season in Singapore??

Now that I have starting blogging again, I find that I kinda like it :) AWESOMENESS!