My prophecy came true... I totally flunked my Chem paper like some shit... yah... So do I expect to flunk my bio worse than what I expected because ms goh said it was very easy to mark... you know why? Cause all she need to do is to strike out the whole page and put zero... or put crosses because we didn't even answer the question... I think this time we really made her very angry that she gave up on us... Anyway, she was saying that she wants all As for S01... and said that we are brilliant... but I seriously think that she didn't count me (the lost sheep) into the brilliant S01 class... yah... I am hell sure I can't ace my bio lahx (although I want to Ace it alot)...

Well... Even though I expected my bio the fail... I think abit too highly of myself... I thought I will do well in the MCQ... and in the end? I failed... I think I am the sole failure in the class lahx... haiz.... and she asked me again... did you study? Yes... I studied... but for the whole common test... I am so crushed up that my mind is not thinking at all... Not processing anything... Hiaz.... I flunk even the MCQ and I can say good game to paper 2 liao lolx... Bye...

I hope that I fail the chem paper because of time management.... Because I really left almost 20 marks blank... yah... but some how... I don't really think so... I shall try the paper again during the weekend... Haiz... I flunk chem... My favourite subject... Somehow... people don't always do well in their favourite subject... yah... somehow... I like chem but I can't get pass the C grade. Then veron likes bio and she is also not doing well in it. Then huimin likes maths.... Although she is doing well... but I think she is not very satisfied with her maths results either... haiz... why does things go this way? What you like, you don't do well... What you don really like... You are doing pretty well.... I don't like maths... but I think I am doing pretty well for it... But I like chem and I flunk like no busniess.... What is this man...

Oh yah... and all the teachers said that we are blind... Haha... first day of school... First lesson... Ms Zhang was like... Your chem common test huh.... Hiaz.... then the typical haiz face... jia lat.... Then she commented that our class is blind... you all don't read the question.... And today she was checking my paper... she was like... You people need to go for reading lessons... I was like... Hahaha.... oh... and she said my section A was ok... And section B was horrendous.... haiz... no time... brain died.... yah.... Back to the blind part... Then we went for maths... Mdm goh was like, the question said to write in exact form and you all write in decimal points... You all are blind.... The second one liaox.... Then went for bio.... and ms goh.... totally disspointed with our class that she even said... don't care about the 交代 part... I will answer to it... and said that S1 gone crazy for this common test... really sad.... and she said that everyone in our class is blind... haiz... 3rd teacher.... then go for GP.... Ms chew was going through the common test paper 1... and she was talking about the culture question and said that we are BLIND to ignore the word ever... haha.... 4th teacher... and guess how many teachers I have in total? 5.... so only left with econs chew who haven say that we are blind... and i think she won't so bad one lahx... So are we really blind? I don't know... maybe I am.... selectively blind...

Anyway... I was lucky that I passed GP... Yes... I passed GP when half the class failed... Somehow... I think it's luck... my paper 2 AQ.... the teacher was like commenting on my weak LOA and I still manage to pass the AQ... I mean 4 marks lah... then yanting and veron one was like... good LOA and arguement... then 3 marks... I was like ???? why???? Maybe the teacher see I failing so badly liao then let me pass.... who knows? Then paper 1... veron have like good arguments and examples.... and seiyu just had uninspiring examples and points... and they both get only 25... and me... not answering part of the question... weak LOA.... then still can get 27... h0ow? I also donno.... I think it's pure luck that I passed my GP this time... Maybe I should continue to belief in luck now... haha....

One day... Maybe I would become so immune to failure that it will not become a motivation anymore.... And I seriously hope... this is not going to come any soon... and please don't come soon... can come after A-levels? It's better to be worry and cry because you fail instead of having the 'fail ah? nevermind lah... always fail one... never pass before...' attitude... Somehow... I think I am starting to develop this immunity... can someone come and 刺激 me?

Maybe the comment was just a voice of thoughts...
Maybe it was unintentional...
Maybe it serve as a hard knock for me...
But that comment made me deep in thoughts for the whole night...
Today morning... the moment I open my eyes...
The thought came back...
It never left me...
till now...
Since I made that decision...
I shall not regret....
At least that's what I can trying to convince myself now...


Today I went to watch TRANSFORMERS!!! WHOO!! The movie is so damn nice! Why did anyone even critic it? oK... I am taking an extreme view... But I don really like the last part cause I can't really differentiate between the autobots and the decepticons (is it spelt like that? I doubt so...)... Ok... I am noob... and the four of us is damn weird... no one watch transformers 1 and went to watch transformers 2... then I was sort of lost in the first 10mins of the show trying to remember which are the good robots and which are the bad... haha... But I like the twins(The red and green one) and bumble bee is also very cute... haha... I like the autobots lahx... they were really great... And michael bay even added humour in... I was like laughing all the way lah... the main lead also very funny... haha... and megan fox is really hot... Leo is funny too... His dorm mate... haha... Now I know why transformers is such a blockbuster.... I wouldn't wanna miss transformers 3... WHOOO!


Anyway... HM asked me today... "Why do you want to be a physiotherapist?" And I told her.... I don't know how to put that feeling into words... In the first place... It's ironic and ridiculous that an introvert like me would want to work as a physiotherapist which is considered under social work... It start out during this adam khoo workshop where the trainer told us to draw out our life path... What we wanna do in the future... And then I was fliping through the book and saw physiotherapy.... Then I was thinking... physiotherapy is such a cool job.... It's offered in Singapore? And so for the sake of writing a life path... I wrote physiotherapy... Then I thought it's just writing for the sake of writing... But somehow... this passion grew... I wanted more and more to be a physiotherapist... I want to help... The satisfaction of your patients walking out your clinic... they came in in a wheelchair.... then months later... they walk out... the sense of appreciation they have for you... the sense of satisfaction you have for yourself... isn't it great? Well... it may just be what i think.... Maybe patient wouldn't thank you... I thought it just a impluse act... something that I will soon not care about... But now I am very sure... yes... I want to be a physiotherapist... i really want to be... And I really hope this is not an impluse act... I remember... in primary school.... I wanted to be a marine biologist... In sec 2, I want to be a nutritionist... in sec 3... I want to be a navy... and sec 4 a physiotherapist... every year... my ambition changed... but this time... it stayed... and it grew... I am really happy for myself... Ok... this took me quite sometime to type out... my 'feelings'... I told you it can't be put into words... so this is the best I can do...

Anyway... yesterday I went swimming at CDANDS... It has been years since I went there... and I am like so damn noob... I can't even find the changing room... -_-''' kkz... anyway... It feels really good to swim.... if there is nothing much to do this coming weekend... I think I am going to go for another swim... Anyone care to go with me? Haha... Better not... you will vomit our what you ate 2 days before... haha... :)

Common test is finally over... And you know how I feel? I felt like I finished As... and if that's really the case... I am going to flunk my As with flying colurs... Analysis?

Maths paper- Hmm... It's relatively ok but higher standard than previous tests. Btw... I like sitting in the very front of the row... I think it helps me concentrate better... or maybe it's because it's first paper and I had a slacky sunday that made me concentrate? and think better? Who knows...

Chem paper- TOTAL goner... I 太对不起 MS zhang lerx... 40 mark question... 20 mark never do... 10 marks of crap... Then paper 1... 'you still have 15min' guess wad question I am at? question 18... How many question in total? 40. How much time I used to do the 18 question? 45mins. Yup... So it's going to be pretty a miracle if I can even get an S grade for Chem...

Econs paper- It's do-able... but my mind is not thinking that day... essay on microeconomy part a if you minus away my graph... the essay is only half a page long...hhaa... half a page for 10 marks? You wait a million years... Then macro... I write and write and write until the last 10mins... I found out that I am not concentration on the right policy... -_-''' total shame... My econs is going to drop from A to S liaox... 天堂到地狱...

Bio paper- I didn't start out with any hope of passing that damn paper... But MCQ turn out alright... Maybe 平常心 is better... Cause I think I wanted to do well so much for econs that I tend to think alot and stress myself up alot... But paper 2 turn out a disaster for me... haha... I didn't finish the paper... hmm... as expected... And I started out with essay and halfway through the structured qns... I found a similar question... so I am wondering if I wrote my essay out of point? Lol... this is stupid...

So... if you think I can pass my CT... please tell me... Cause I am very sure this time I am going to 垫底 in S01 liao... Ranking point drop from 72 to 40 something bah... lolx...

Then CT do until like that this girl still wanna go for PSC scholarship talk... really... think too much lahx...haha...

Oh yah... I did say I felt like As is over... cause for some reason or another... I am super high... super happy.... I can't stop smiling... --> omg... she went mad from overdose of studying... Why I feel like that? Can some physchologist come tell me? Overstress? Lack of sleep? Fatigue??? Denial?

Oh... and through this common test... I finally felt what is stress... the stress that is totally out of my control... the stress that I have totally no control of... thoughts that I didn't have in the past came... Mood swings are more and more often... and I am starting to live in denial... denying that I am not taking my As this year... lol... symptoms of depression? haha...

I WANT WATCH TRANSFORMERS!!!

Btw... How long with the michael Jackson thing last? another week I suppose... He is really a great person although I have no particular feelings for him... but I saw his videos on youtube... 1 one... COOL.... slick moonwalk and he really pops like a freaking robot.... Now I see why JJ and many other artiste and musicans see him as a enternal idol and stand by his side even with those scandals... and I was reading the papers yesterday and there is this 'headline' -
麦克杰迅-- 月球漫步一小步 流行文化一大步....
I think it makes sense.... Go Michael Jackson!

放下- 也许会快乐些
放弃- 也许会解脱些

人生道路没人能替你走
自己的未来 自己掌握
相信无限...

..::No one can stop you unless you stop yourself, No one will push you unless you push yourself. The choice is yours::..