Admiration

 

 “For when I am weak

then I am strong

我脆弱却不退缩”

 

<I AM> -JJ Lin

落在手裡一顆淚滴 清澈地卻已融化
活在人間 我的壓力和疑惑
愛和理想怎麼評量
闖過難關 避開受傷
其實我和凡人都一樣
擔心路會走錯方向
擔心她不放在心上
擔心生命不再充滿渴望
For when I'm weak Then I am strong
我脆弱 卻不退縮
確定路在對的方向
確定她在我的心上
確定生命永遠有希望
For when I'm weak Then I am strong
我脆弱 卻不退縮
我脆弱 卻永不退縮

 

 

 

 

 

One will admire another when he or she reflects your dreams. I am not saying that I dream to be an entertainer, singing and dancing in front of people, but yes, the man above in the picture reflects what I dream to be or rather someone I hope to become, an impact.

“We are all placed on earth to leave imprints on each others' lives.
Life is about creating something out of nothing, stick to it and keep working on it.

I make music...
I weave dreams...
I live to capture life...

I struggle, but I break free...
I fall, but I get up stronger...
I sleep, but I never stop...

I die, but I live forever...

No one can stop you unless you stop yourself, No one will push you unless you push yourself. The choice is yours.”

 

-JJ Lin

No, I did not regret or hate my mum for not bringing me for music lessons but I will definitely send my child for music lessons in the future, piano, violin or flute. Learning music enhance one’s mind and encourages the mind’s creativity. His musical talent is international, more people loves his music than his person. I dream to be someone talented in something. I used to dance (Chinese dance), I used to play Netball, I used to be sociable. But I excel in none. I have no outstanding talent that he posses.

I dream to impact the society but till today with my youth almost gone, I have yet to do anything that is worth a mention or a memory. What a failure. But him, although his career only took flight in 2004 after the release of the River South, at least he is now a national treasure and a proud Singapore ‘export’. Even before entering the entertainment circle, he already threw a bomb in, a song he composed known as 记得 which hit the charts even till today. He left an impact in Singapore, Taiwan, China and many other parts of Asia. I have read article about how his music help people tide over moments of distress and depression even though it’s a little extreme but at least he caused changes in people, he impacted their lives. What about me? 1/4 of my life is a mundane wake up go school home and sleep. No one remembers me, and no one ever will.

Everyone dreams to be successful, who doesn’t. His success did not come easy. His first album in 2003 was a total failure, but he was thankful to River South that made it. An entertainer’s lifespan works the same way as the economic business cycle, at least for him. He did not stay at the peak of his career all along, he had an album dip in 2007 with his 5th Album ‘Killer’ but that did not end him. He went back to who he really was, not the actor, not the entertainer, but the Singaporean, JJ Lin. He came back with his 6th Album in 2008 ‘Sixology’ promoting the spirit of the bull, never give up. He turned a military concept of Still Moving UnDer GunfirE (SMUDGE) into his fashion label SMG.  You might think he is lucky, but he is far far away from it. When everything seems well, ‘death god’ came to knock on his door, a long-term gastric problem turned too serious that he burnt his throat and lost his voice. He literally faded and disappeared out of the scene and faded into his own world of darkness, that was in 2009, his all time low. The future seems bleak to him, he has no idea what to do. Everyday, the first thing he does when he wakes up is to sing, but nothing came out, I am sure at some point of your time, you will experience this helplessness. This is what makes me like him even more, he did not give up from here, he rise stronger, reborn. In 2009, 100 days was swept off the shelves in a matter of days, his 8 months perseverance, his motivation his ability to cope and walk out of those grey days really made me think, people have gone through so much and came back stronger, what are you doing? Beaten down by a mere sucky a levels? I am not only saying JJ, I am saying even normal people who had difficulties in daily life did not just sit at home, rotting and waiting for government welfare but they work and volunteer and made their life full, what about me? Depression from school? I ought to be ashamed of myself.

Well after the huge success of 100 days, you might still think he got lucky, yet he is still far away from lucky. Caught with H1N1, stuck in a New York Blizzard and a horrendous health report screams a halt in his career. He is now taking a break and I strongly believe, he will come back with even more impactful live stories and touching music.

His journey is not smooth and will never be but he never give up, he dies but he lives forever. I am seeing him to what I want to become, yet something I can’t achieve. Maybe… that’s why I admire.

How I wish I can just walk out of the grey cloudy days and embrace my everyday. But… I can’t. I am stuck in a quicksand slowly devouring me and one day I might just give up struggling and sink in deep and forgotten by everyone.

Farewell, my old friend…

缘分是别离的开始

Humans form social bonds with people, that’s basic survival. Yet, I hate to form social bonds because I am afraid of separation, because I care. I have shared my thoughts, my feelings and sometimes my dreams with you, but yet after all, you left, leaving me all alone to face the world. Sometimes, when I become too dependent on you, I am lost when you leave, my north star is gone. That’s why, I never take the first initiative for a meet-up. To me, one day, everyone leaves you, so why put in so much to maintain. I know I sound selfish, but this is a psychological barrier that I failed to overcome on top of the so many.

My colleague is going back to China. She is someone whom I feel always have a piece of her mind, she is someone whom you can always turn to for advice, she has experienced some life that I haven’t and she is far-sighted. I consulted her quite a lot of times when I become indecisive and she doesn’t tell me what to do but lead me to what I really want. Someone that I like is going off, our paths might no longer cross, we might not meet again, I really don’t want her to leave. Really.

I distaste going to work these days because works gets harder and harder when the passion is no longer there. Hers leaving is not the reason but I no longer grab every chance I have to work. I am really getting sick and tired of being stuck between doctors and patients, I am sick and tired of being so patient and put on a smile even though my day went totally wrong. Now, I rather sit in an office and face the wall or computer and not people or slack at home and not do anything.

我要的到底是什么? Destination unknown. I don’t know where to go next. What’s around the corner?

A New Beginning

My new blogskin is out! Nice and simple, just the way I like it :)) This took me a much much lesser time to do as compared to the previous which took me nearly two weeks this only took 3days :)) Yippeeee! Just hope you like it :)) Ohhh… and I miss out the tag board on purpose because I see no point in putting one when only two people comment on my posts.

It’s Sei’s BD yesterday, went for a chill out at blue Jazz bar?? It’s a long time since I see my JC peeps. Although part of me does not want to maintain bonds with them because of the fear of leaving, another part just loves to hang out with them… Kind of contradicting. So, as and when I can, I will always turn up.

I shall change my way of blogging by reducing the amt of words and add in more pictures, make life easier for the readers and as you know, a picture speaks a thousand words. And since I gave so much a space for entries, I shall add colours to it :)

Last time I posted was on the beginning of June. Given my boring and mundane life, there is not much to tell. Just ended special sem 1. Psychology is really really reallyx100 FUN! But I am actually quite glad that I did not choose psy as my major to study… There is too much to memorise given it’s wide application. :( Kind of a wishful thinking to think that psy is more on disorders… after you take the introductory, disorders are only one chapter out of that 20 over chapters you are to study. OMG!

Anyways, since special sem is over, I have no intention to look for a job, or rather should I say no one wants to hire me, so I am predicting I would be pretty free for July (weekends excluded). =) So it’s time to do something to add some colours to my mundane life. First, I need to get my stamina up so that Huimin doesn't have to wait hours for me on the 10th of July. Priority. Then since there is this training up of stamina, I shall plan some slimming down program (not that I think I will follow it, but it’s worth trying). My excessive fats is irritating me these days.

I have plans to do some voluntary work, but yet to find any interesting events to volunteer for. Might be trying out being an ‘ambassador’ to bring new international freshies around if time permits. And also go for some nature walk to take some photos, ya know, brush up some photography skills and I have already crafted the places I thought of going =) Currently, I am thinking of going alone, but it gets lonely… kind of.

I am thinking of getting a tuition job, emailed the agency but no replies. Just get a little more patience… But I am wondering if I do really get one tuition job, how am I going to teach the kid? what way? What if I don’t know how to do the questions he/she ask me? It makes me kind of a clown. Maybe I think too much yea?

Another day has gone

I’m still all alone

How could this be

You’re not here with me

 

You never say goodbye

Someone tell me why

Why you’d have to go

You leave my world cold

 

Everyday I sit and ask myself

How did love slip away

Something whispers in my ears and say

 

You are not alone

I am here with you

Though we are far apart

I am here to stay

Just Trying…

I tried out something known as the live writer into publishing this post… hopes it turns out well though… Haha =D

Anyways, I went for a nature trail walk today and it turned out horrendous. From the lack of planning and preparation. Gonna conquer it next week again. Hopes it turns out better this time. Anyone wants to go together we me? We are walking from vivo to mount faber then to henderson waves, then alexander arch then hort park followed by kent ridge park and end at NUS. Interested souls can message me. LOL.

Okies. This is actually just a trail that I a trying out if the live writter really works. Haha.

oohhhh…. and any souls have interest in going GENTING? I thought we could go for a great escape before school starts and everything starts crushing down again.